


The Minds of Monsters

by Allie0963



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Autistic Character, F/F, F/M, Gay Emily Prentiss, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Lesbian Character, OC characters, Parental Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self Harm References
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:33:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26111944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allie0963/pseuds/Allie0963
Summary: Alyssa Bennett, a 22 year old student at a local college, is attacked by a psychopathic criminal. She uses her skills to profile the unknown subject and catch him with the help of the behavioral analysis unit.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/William LaMontagne Jr., OC Character(s)/OC Character(s), The BAU Team & Original Character(s)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 27





	1. Victim #5

**“It’s ironic how you feel most alive when your heart skips a few beats.”**

\- Unknown

_Set between 1x10 The Popular Kids and 1x11 Blood Hungry_

_November 2005_

_Case #1102: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania_

_Victims:_

_Jenny Martin_

_Taylor Rickman_

_Isabelle Martinez_

_Claire Walters_

_Summary: 4 college-age girls went missing in the middle of the day. They were all found roughly 48 hours later with their wrists slit. There was evidence of sexual assault in all cases._

_System of Attack: The unsub likely lures these girls with charm in order to gain their trust before taking them to a secondary location upon which he rapes them before slitting their wrists and allowing them to bleed out._

_Unsub’s Profile: A white male in his lower 20s, organized, intelligent, likely sociopathic, aggressive when misunderstood or denied a request, appears to be a power/control killer but could be triggered by an external source._

. . .

The only thing that mattered right now was that Alyssa’s feet kept moving. For the middle of a Wednesday, the streets were particularly empty. No one had seen her screaming, fighting - had she even screamed? And certainly, no one saw her now, as she raced down the street, one wobbly leg in front of the other, blood draining from the wounds on her wrists. She’d lost the man half a mile ago, but she couldn’t stop now. The hospital was too far, still another two miles, but she was nearing the police station. That had to be her best bet. They could help her, she could tell them about the man - maybe he was that guy who’d killed the other girls on campus. 

Alyssa sucked in a breath of air, trying to keep herself from going into shock, but she was pretty sure it was too late for that. She faced worse injuries, well, probably not, but that’s what she was telling herself. The amount of blood she’d lost, and left in a trail behind her, for the man to follow, was dizzying. 

She slammed her hands into the heavy glass doors, leaving bloody fingerprints on them. She burst into the vestibule, trying her best to stay on her feet. The officers and what she assumed were the FBI agents who had arrived yesterday were looking her way. A blonde woman walked quickly towards her, clearly not seeing she was on the brink of passing out. 

“Miss, this is a private investigation, do you need- oh my god.” She stopped mid-sentence, eyes locked onto Alyssa’s wrists. 

“There was a man,” she gasped. “He- he attacked me.” 

“Okay, um, stay calm,” the woman managed. “Sit down. Guys! I need some help.” Alyssa nodded, her body collapsing into the wall, sinking to the ground. There were agents swarming the space above her, one was wrapping something around her arms. 

“Hey!” the blonde woman said. “I need you to look at me, come on.” She was gripping her hands tightly. “Can you tell me your name?” 

“Alyssa Bennett.” 

“Okay, Alyssa, we’ve got an ambulance coming, I need you to hang on just a little longer, can you do that?” 

“Mmhmm.” 

“Can you tell us what happened?” Another female agent was bent in front of her. “Where were you?” 

“By the library,” Alyssa muttered. “I was attacked, I ran-” She inhaled sharply, the pain that her adrenaline had been subduing suddenly spiking throughout her body. 

“That’s 3 miles away from here,” a voice commented distantly. “How long ago was this?” 

Alyssa whimpered. “19, 20 minutes.” Everything was starting to go numb. As quickly as the pain had arrived, it was slipping away. Darkness was swimming at the edges of her vision. 

“No, no, no, stay with me, Alyssa.” 

“I can’t.” A weak cry escaped her throat as gravity seemed to weigh her down, eyelids included, as they drooped over her teary eyes. 

“Alyssa,” someone begged. “Squeeze my hand, you can do it.” 

She shifted, her vision returning, as she met the deep blue eyes of the woman in front of her. Her arms felt like dead weight, heavy, anchored to the ground. The hand holding her felt warm. Alive. Her own was cold, numb. Her fingers weren’t moving. She was trying, but she’d lost all control over herself. The thumping sensation in her chest receded, growing weaker as she closed her eyes. Maybe, she figured, surrendering to the darkness wouldn’t be so bad. It’d be quiet, warm, even. She let out a shaky breath and waved the white flag, letting her body fall limply against the wall. 

. . .

“Do you think it was the unsub?” Reid asked, watching as the girl was carried off on a stretcher. 

“If it was, it’s not likely she would have made it here,” reasoned Gideon. “This guy doesn’t let them escape that easily.” 

Elle sighed. “Everything about the attack matched the MO. She was snatched in broad daylight and had her wrists slit.” 

“We profiled that he tasks them to a different location before killing them,” said Morgan. “This doesn’t make sense.” 

“What if she offended him?” Reid asked. “All the other girls likely went with him willingly, what if she didn’t?” 

“That would make sense,” Hotch agreed. “She refuses to go with him like the other girls and his narcissistic traits make him snap, so he tries to kill her immediately.” 

“It doesn’t fit, and we don’t know that for sure,” Gideon argued. 

“I’m still going to talk to her,” Elle said, grabbing one of the sets of car keys. 

“Take JJ with you,” Hotch ordered, scanning over the files again. “JJ, see if she has any contacts.” 

“Yes, sir.” JJ nodded, trailing Elle out of the door. 

. . .

_“Come with me,” the man said, smiling down at Alyssa._

_“No, thank you. I have to get to class.” She smiled back at the man, adjusting her bag on her shoulder._

_“Aw, come on,” the man said. “We know each other. We could go have some fun if you know what I mean.”_

_“I don’t,” Alyssa said. “I really have to go, I’m going to be late.”_

_The man grabbed her arm, forcing another smile. “Just skip. It’ll be fine. Let’s go.” He gritted his teeth, tightening his hold on her arm._

_“Let go of me!” she said, trying to pull away. Before she knew it, a knife was to her throat. She was being pulled into an alley._

_“Am I not good enough for you? Do you not trust me?” His face was inches from hers, his other hand wandering places it should not be. “Is there someone better than me?” he growled._

_Alyssa whimpered. Make a smart choice, she told herself, words matter with guys like these. “No,” she lied. “There’s no one.”_

_“Then why,” he said, dragging the knife across her left wrist. “Are you not complying with me?”_

_Alyssa took his moment of hesitation to drive her knee into his groin, sending him stumbling backward. She dropped her bag, feeling metal hit her other wrist. It didn’t matter. She needed to run._

. . .

Screams tore through Alyssa’s throat. Someone was holding her shoulders down. “Hey, hey, Alyssa, wake up. You were dreaming. It was a dream.” She recognized that voice. Green eyes flew open. “You’re safe now.” 

Alyssa inhaled shakily, looking around the room. She was in the hospital. The two female agents from before were sitting on either side of the bed. The blonde agent smiled softly. “Are you okay?”

She nodded stiffly, reaching her hand up to wipe a tear from her cheek. Her wrists were bandaged. 

“I’m Agent Jennifer Jareau, and this is Agent Elle Greenaway. We’re with the FBI. Do you mind if we ask you a few questions about what happened?” 

“I don’t know who the man is,” she said, her voice coming out raspy. “I don't-” 

“It’s okay, Alyssa,” said the other agent, Elle. “Calm down.” 

“Is there anyone you want me to call?” Agent Jareau asked. “Family?” 

“No!” said Alyssa, voice rising. “No. It’s fine.” She clasped her hands together, laying them on top of her stomach. 

“Alright,” the agent said, turning to the other. “I’m going to call Garcia and see what background we’ve got. I’ll be back.” 

“JJ, find someone,” Agent Greenaway said. 

Alyssa’s eyes flicked between the two women. “I’m not stupid,” she said. “Or deaf. Please don’t call anyone.” 

The blonde agent, JJ, sighed. “Okay. I still have to get a background. It’s part of our-” 

“Victimology,” Alyssa finished. “I know. I have a bachelor’s in criminal justice. I’m getting my masters and I work at the station.” 

“Alright,” Agent Greenaway said as the other agent left, phone to her ear. “Are you ready to start?” 

“Yeah. Let me guess, we’re starting with if I’d met this guy before or if I had any previous connection.” 

“Very good.” 

Alyssa closed her eyes, feeling another wave of emotion hit her. “Yeah,” she sighed. “Monday. He approached me in the library and acted like any college dude trying to ask me out.” 

“Had you seen him on campus before?” 

“No. Only Monday, and then Tuesday. He came up to me again. He acted like we’d known each other for years.” 

“What about today?” pressed Elle. 

“After I was done studying,” started Alyssa. “I was leaving to go to work and he-” she paused, squeezing her eyes shut again. 

“You’re doing great,” she encouraged. 

“He asked me to go with him again and _have some fun_. I refused. I didn’t even know what he was talking about.” 

The other agent smirked. 

“What? What’s so funny?”

“Oh, nothing, Alyssa,” she said. “Do you know how the other victims were lured away?” 

“No.” 

“He offered them a date, or sex, most likely.”

Alyssa made a face. “Well, that’s a serial killer for you. I wouldn’t go with someone like that, not after what I’ve learned in my classes.” 

“But a lot of girls would if he was attractive enough. Was this man good-looking?” 

“I guess,” Alyssa said. “I don’t know. I never really looked at him. He kept a hat or hood on the whole time.” She looked up as the other agent, JJ, returned. 

“Garcia said she didn’t have any connection to the other victims-” 

“I had a connection,” Alyssa interrupted. The agents raised their eyebrows. “Well, not much of one. They were usually in the library on Mondays and Wednesdays. That’s the only time I saw them.” 

“Alright,” Elle said. “That’s a start. You can call us if you think of anything important.” She pulled a business card from her pocket and handed it to Alyssa. 

“I’m going down to the station anyway.” 

JJ glanced towards Elle, and then back at Alyssa. “I don’t know if you’re cleared to leave.” 

Aly stood up, her hospital gown falling limply around her knees. “I’m going. I want to help you with this case. Are my clothes somewhere?” 

“Elle, go ahead,” said Agent Jareau. “I’ll be there in a little bit.” 

Agent Greenaway nodded, slipping from the room. The blonde woman turned to face Alyssa. “Sit down, please.”

“I’m fine,” Alyssa said. 

“Really? You went from completely in shock to whatever this is. I’ve been in the field long enough to know that that’s not _okay_.” 

“I work a job in this field. I need to be prepared to face anything.” 

“You won’t necessarily be attacked every time. Right now, you don’t need to be the one solving the case.” 

“But I want to be,” Alyssa insisted. 

“I can bring you back to the station with me, how would you like that?” 

Alyssa nodded. “That’d be great.” 

“I’ll go find you some clothes. I think they have your backpack, too.” The agent turned away, exiting the room. As soon as the door had closed behind her, Alyssa tore the bandages from her arms, looking at the long gashes across her wrist. Her eyes flicked across the older, barcode marks on her forearms. She found herself unable to draw her eyes away from the cuts. It had seemed so necessary at the moment, but so stupid now. Each breath was growing increasingly difficult to inhale. 

She didn’t move from where she stood when the door reopened and the agent reentered with clothes and Alyssa’s backpack. “You okay?” she heard a distant voice ask. Two hands came down on her shoulders. “Let’s go sit down.” 

Alyssa let the agent guide her into a chair. Once she was sitting, she finally looked away, tucking her arms against her chest. She knew that JJ had seen, but she could have cared less. 

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

“Are you alright? Are you sure you want to do this?” 

“I’m going to do it,” confirmed Alyssa. “And I’m fine. I already told you that.” 

“I’m pretty sure you almost had a panic attack,” said JJ. “I don’t want to make this any harder on you-” 

“Stop! Stop acting like that.” 

“What-” 

“I know what it’s like to talk to victims. Stop talking to me like I am one.” 

“You are a victim, Alyssa. I’m just trying to help.” 

“If you wanted to help you would have just taken me back to the station.” 

“Alyssa,” JJ laid a hand gently on the other woman’s arm. “Please, please calm down.” 

Alyssa jerked her arm away. “Don’t touch me!”

“I’m sorry,” faltered JJ, noticing the tears that had formed in Alyssa’s eyes. “Do you want to talk about anything before we go?”

Alyssa looked towards the agent, not needing any more information to know what she was talking about. “I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“Aly-” 

She gritted her teeth. “I’m fine. I was fine. I am going to be fine.” 

“That’s what my sister said, you know,” JJ started. “Before she killed herself.” 

Alyssa froze. “I- I’m sorry.” She flicked her eyes towards JJ, not really knowing what to say. “I-” 

“Don’t,” warned JJ. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.” 

Alyssa inhaled. “I’m sorry for yelling,” she apologized. 

“That’s alright.” 

“Thank you,” she said. “For caring. I guess I’m just not used to it. I work in a field where I’m surrounded by men who expect me to be emotionless while I’m looking at a dead body or interviewing a child who just lost their parents.” 

“I know how it feels,” agreed Agent Jareau. “And I’m here if you need to talk about it, or anything, really. That’s kind of my job.” 

“I think I’d just like to get out of this thing,” Alyssa motioned to the hospital gown. “And go to the station. I don’t know, I guess solving the case will just give me some closure.” 

JJ nodded. “Understandable. I’ll wait outside for you.” She stood up, feeling a cold hand close around her wrist.

“Just stay.” 

Blue eyes met green ones. JJ couldn’t exactly read the emotion behind those eyes, but she figured it best to not ask any questions. “Alright.” She turned to face the wall as Alyssa slipped into the clean clothes. She grabbed her backpack. “So, you study here?” 

“Yeah. I got my bachelor’s in Criminal Justice and behavioral psychology. I’m working on my master’s for CJ.” 

“Impressive. You could go into the FBI, you know.” 

Alyssa nodded as the two women made their way out of the hospital. “I’m considering applying.” 

“I could always get you an interview,” JJ offered, smiling at the younger girl. “Go ahead and get in the front.” She motioned at the car that they had approached. “What’s the best way?” 

“Take Washington,” Alyssa instructed as JJ pulled out of the parking lot. “And then left at the second light.” 

“Alright. When we get there, my team is going to ask you a few more questions,” explained JJ. “Just to hear the case again, and then we’ll let you take a look at the files, see if anything rings a bell, okay?” 

“Sounds good,” Alyssa said as they pulled up to the station. The two clambered out the car and approached the doors, still marked by bloody handprints. Alyssa’s eyes locked on them. “Sorry about that.” 

JJ shrugged. “It’ll come off.” She pulled open the door. “Go on in.” 

“I feel pathetic,” Alyssa mumbled. “I’m 22 and I’m acting like a scared child. It’s stupid.” 

“It’s not stupid,” JJ reasoned. “You have all the right to be afraid after what happened. If it makes you feel any better, Dr. Reid over there,” she pointed to a younger agent, “is afraid of the dark.” 

“I’m not afraid of the dark!” he argued, looking up at JJ. 

“Actually,” Alyssa started, dropping her bag next to the table. “11% of adults in the US are afraid of the dark, so it wouldn’t be that surprising if you were.” 

JJ let out what sounded like a stifled laugh. Two of the agents, one whom Alyssa recognized as Agent Greenaway burst out laughing. 

“Why is that funny?” Alyssa asked, glancing between the FBI agents. 

“It seems like we’ve got a little Reid on our hands,” one of the agents joked, smirking at Dr. Reid. Alyssa shrugged, figuring it was some sort of inside joke. 

“Alright, guys,” an agent wearing a suit said. “We need to get to work and stop arguing over Reid’s irrational fear of dark places.” 

“I already told you, I’m not afraid of the dark!” 

“Keep telling yourself that, kid,” laughed Agent Greenaway. 

“Alyssa,” interrupted the oldest agent. “I’m SSA Gideon. Do you mind telling us your story again? We need to hear if the details fit the profile.” 

“Gideon, I already told you it’s our guy,” Elle argued. 

“It’s fine,” Alyssa said. “I met him on Monday when he came up to me in the library, I already told you that. He was wearing some hoodie that covered his face. I think he was wearing something similar today when he came up to me again. He tried to ask me out or something, but I told him I had to get to class. He really wanted me to skip and got all aggressive when I refused.” 

“There’s his narcissism talking,” commented Elle. 

“He called me a name, you know.” 

The agents froze, looking over at Alyssa, waiting for her to fill in the details. “It was something with an A, but not Alyssa.” 

Dr. Reid scratched his head, looking at a file. “We didn’t profile him as psychotic.” 

“So you’re suggesting the unsub is in a psychotic break and is under the assumption that I am someone else?” concluded Alyssa. She glanced between the agents looking at her, confusion on some of their faces. “I, uh, studied Criminal Justice. I took a profiling class.” 

“I don’t get it,” Reid said. “Our unsub fits the profile of a psychotic narcissist killing to make the girls suffer.” 

“Our profile could have been wrong,” suggested the agent in the suit. 

“I’m never wrong,” mumbled Reid, receiving a smack on the back of his head from the agent behind him. 

“It’s possible that he started killing due to extreme anger towards this name, and he’s looking to take that anger out on others. He could be a sociopath driven by anger, and he called me another name by accident. Just because he’s sociopathic doesn’t mean he’s a genius.” 

The older agent, Gideon, crossed his arms. “I don’t-” 

“No, she’s got a point,” interrupted Elle. “That is very possible.” 

“Is there anything else?” JJ asked, turning to face Alyssa. “You really helped us out.” 

“That was the point. I don’t remember much else.” She smiled thinly. “I think I’m going to head home. I’m a little tired.” 

“Do you need a ride?” Agent Jareau motioned to the keys sitting on the table. “I could take you.” 

“I’m fine.” Alyssa slung her bag over her shoulder, glancing towards the only other cop in the station, her mind reeling. “I don’t live too far.” 

“Hey, Bennett!” 

The young woman stopped, turning to look at the man sitting at his desk. She’d only spoken to him once before, and barely knew what he looked like. “Davis, I’m going home.” 

“You didn’t clock in today. That’s the third shift you’ve missed.” 

Gideon and Reid had gone back to studying the case files, along with the two other male agents, while JJ and Elle watched Alyssa and the cop. 

“I was stabbed,” Alyssa shot back. “I think that’s an excuse for missing.” 

“Yeah, right,” scoffed Davis. “Another petty excuse of yours. I’m surprised they haven’t just fired you already. I mean, you’re what? 19?” 

“22.” Alyssa gritted her teeth. Her reeling mind was causing the room to spin. There was something _off_ about the conversation unfolding. 

“Hey,” Elle said, emerging from the conference room, closely followed by JJ. “Is everything alright here?” 

Davis rolled his eyes. “She’s always bringing these dumb excuses in as to why she missed work.” 

“Are you her boss?” asked JJ. 

“No.” 

“Then it isn’t your problem, is it?” 

Davis blinked, looking at the blonde agent. “I’m surprised such a little thing like you is so feisty.” 

“Leave her alone!” Alyssa called, as she headed towards the door, mind piecing together what had been missing. 

“For your information,” Elle added. “She was attacked, and then she ran 3 miles to tell us, I don’t think you’d make it half of that.” 

“Well, I’m heading out,” Alyssa repeated, eyeing Davis once again as she moved towards the door. She made note of the agent quickly following on her heels. 

“Are you alright?” JJ asked. “You kind of blew up back there.” 

“Did I?” Alyssa asked dryly, glancing back in at Davis, who was still staring at her. Her heart was pounding in her chest. If she was right about what she thought... she was in a whole lot of trouble. 

“Yeah,” the agent confirmed. “Don’t mind him, I’m sure he’s just jealous. You do realize the fact that you practically outwitted a bunch of FBI profilers is amazing, right?” 

“Mmhmm.” Alyssa nodded. “Look, I’m just really tired right now, I’d like to go home and sleep. I have to work tomorrow.” 

“Alright.” JJ fished for something in her pocket. “This is my number if you think of anything else, or just need to talk.” 

“Thanks. Good luck with the case.” 

“You sure you’re alright?” 

“I’m fine.” Alyssa nodded, walking past the agent, the lie still stuck on her tongue. She wished that one of the profilers had realized why her mood had changed so abruptly. She wasn’t going home. There wasn’t time for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter in this story and I currently have five chapters written. I’m hoping to have about 17-20 chapters total. Anyway, I hoped you enjoyed this first part in the story. I self-beta/edit so any mistakes are mine. Let me know, and I can fix them! Thank you!


	2. Hunting the Hunter

**“Be the hunter, not the hunted. Never allow your unit to be caught with its guard down.”**

\- Jim Mattis

Alyssa cursed herself for lying, wishing her childhood hadn’t taught her to be so good at it. Of course, she knew more about the case; of course, she remembered. Her friends had always called her “the steel trap,” due to her ability to remember anything and everything. 

Alison Tobias had committed suicide 4 and a half months ago, 3 days before the death of Jenny Martin. Alison had been a well known senior at one of the smaller colleges in Pittsburgh. Alyssa didn’t know her, but she remembered seeing a picture of her on the news and realizing the eerie similarities between herself and the dead girl. 

It only made sense that the victims were turning up with their wrists slit; that’s how Alison had done it. Her older boyfriend had been the textbook image of a narcissistic sociopath from the moment Alyssa had met him, right in the vestibule of the police station. As of 10 minutes ago, Davis had been 10 feet away from where they met, but that wasn’t going to last long. 

Alyssa’s hand met the cold metal of the gun she had slipped into her backpack. She was pretty sure it had been Agent Jareau’s. She could have just told them in the station, but she didn’t want to risk being wrong or sending Davis off the deep end. He had a gun, she knew he did, and angering someone like him could end in a shootout. 

She lingered in the alley by the station, waiting for Davis to walk by. She tightened her grip on the gun when she heard footsteps approaching. 

“Alyssa,” he drawled coldly. “I thought you knew better than that.” 

She stepped from the alley, coming face to face with Davis. “Jacob Davis. You couldn’t have made it more obvious, could you?” 

“I mean, I  _ could  _ have. Man, those agents back there aren’t very smart, are they? I mean, what deputy works a 24 hours shift?” 

“Not you,” pointed out Alyssa. 

“You got me.” He spun a knife around in his hand. “Now, are you going to drop that gun, or am going to have to cut you... again?” 

Alyssa shifted, moving to take out the weapon. 

“Ah, ah, I wouldn’t do that.” Jacob stepped towards Alyssa. “How long do you think you have until you’re dead?” 

“A while,” Alyssa guessed, her stomach dropping. “Someone like you doesn’t make it fast.” 

“Right you are.” Jacob cracked a smile, twirling the knife around his fingers. “Now, how about we get going before someone finds us.” 

“Where are we going?” Alyssa whispered. 

“That’s for me to know, and you to find out.” Jacob pressed the blade against her neck. “Start walking.” 

Alyssa nodded, taking a few hesitant steps forward, gun still at her side. Slowly, she slipped her phone into her pocket, pressing the numbers she had read only moments ago. She was sure they were right - no, she  _ hoped _ they were right because if she was wrong, she was as good as dead. There was no point in hoping. Faith and probability were two very different things. She was telling herself she was going to be okay, the numbers were telling her she was not. 

. . .

“Did that cop leave?” JJ asked, looking out towards the middle of the station. 

Elle nodded. “He went out right after Alyssa.” 

“Alright,” Hotch said. “So we’re looking at a narcissistic sociopath that recently went through the death of a loved one.” 

“Looks like it,” Morgan said, pulling out his phone. “Baby girl, I need death records on anyone whose name starts with an A within the last three months,” he paused. “What are we looking for?” 

“Probably a woman, college-aged,” reasoned Gideon. 

“You know,” Reid started. “It’s likely that she committed suicide in the same manner that the unsub is killing his victims, by slitting her wrists.” 

“Yeah, I’ve got an Alison Tobias,” Garcia called from the other end of the phone. “You were right, she slit her wrists about 4 months ago.” 

“Check to see if she was in any relationships,” Hotch commanded. 

“Hang on, working at lightning speed,” said Garcia. “Alright, oh…” 

“Babygirl, what is it?” Morgan asked, setting the phone down on the conference table. “Talk to us.” 

“Her boyfriend was the one that found her… in the bathtub of her dorm room.” 

“And he started killing girls because of that?” Morgan stated incredulously. 

“Finding someone like that takes a really big psychological toll on someone,” JJ muttered quietly. “Even for a grown man.” 

Hotch glanced over at JJ, trying to read her expression. “You’re right. That’s definitely enough to trigger a sociopath into killing. Garcia, what’s his name?” 

“Jacob Davis,” she replied. “He’s 26 years old and had a degree in Criminal Justice from University of Pittsburgh-” 

“Oh my god.” JJ spun around, looking towards Davis’ desk. “We’ve got to find Alyssa.” She fumbled for the car keys. 

“Do we have an address?” Gideon asked. 

“I don’t think that matters,” Reid said. “We watched the unsub walk out after the victim he failed to murder.” 

“Someone like that threatens his ego,” Hotch said. “He wouldn’t take her to his apartment, that’s too risky. He probably has a secondary location.” 

JJ exhaled heavily, trying to keep herself calm. 

“Is everything alright, JJ?” Elle touched her shoulder hesitantly. 

“She took my gun.” 

“She knew,” Reid said, almost happily, then he furrowed his brows in confusion. “And she didn’t tell us.” 

“I should have seen it!” JJ yelled. “She started acting  _ weird _ .” 

“None of us could have known, JJ,” Elle attempted. 

“We’ve got to go,” Gideon said. “We have a sociopathic killer battling it out with a 22-year-old who got attacked 12 hours ago.” 

“But where?” Reid asked. 

“Garcia!” Morgan turned back to the phone. “I need a list of empty warehouses, buildings, anywhere he could have taken her that’s on campus.” 

“He couldn’t go far,” said Reid. “He’s on foot.” 

“Alright,” she said. “I’ve got 3 places. Addresses on your phones.” 

“JJ and Elle, take the third one, it’s closest, Reid and Morgan head to the second, Gideon, you’re with me.” 

“Let’s go,” Elle took JJ’s arm and pushed her towards the door. “We’re going to find Alyssa.” 

“Hang on,” JJ said, as her phone buzzed in her pocket. “I don’t recognize the number… hello?” She clicked it onto the speaker. 

“Where are we going?” asked a distant voice. 

“That’s for me to know, and you to find out. Start walking.” 

JJ’s eyes widened. “That’s Alyssa and Jacob.” 

“She called you,” Elle whispered. “That’s… smart.” 

“Morgan!” JJ called. “Get Garcia to track Alyssa’s phone. She’s with Jacob.” 

“Did she hang up?” Elle asked. 

JJ shook her head, running her hands through her hair. “She must’ve remembered my number, called it, and then slipped her phone away.” 

“JJ,” Hotch said from the doorway. “We’ve got a location, it’s the second place.” JJ nodded, taking one last look at her phone before she hurried after the team. 

. . .

Alyssa pulled against the restraints that held her in the chair. 

A slow smile played across Jacob’s lips. “You can’t fight me,” he sang. “There’s no beating a sociopath, is there?” 

“At least you admit it,” groaned Alyssa. God, how had she not seen it sooner? Better late than never, she supposed. The agent's gun had been tossed across the warehouse’s floor, out of reach. Jacob had no intention of making this quick. He ran the knife under his fingernail, nicking a piece of dead skin. 

“How long do you think it’ll take them to find your body?” Jacob asked. “When it starts to rot and smell, or when they hear the rats eating it.” 

_ Please have gotten that call _ , Alyssa prayed. She swallowed heavily. “Maybe there’ll be nobody to find,” she taunted. “Or maybe, they’ll find you.” 

Jacob let out a hearty laugh, his bellowing voice echoing around the empty space. He dropped the knife, letting it clatter to the floor. “That…” he wheezed. “Was a good one, but no.” He reached forward, picking the knife back up. Alyssa glanced towards her shirt and jeans, strewn across the floor. She was freezing, but right now, that was the least of her worries. 

“Pick a number,” Jacob said. 

“Any number?” 

“Make it 1 through 100,” he said. “Oh, this is going to be fun.” 

“Pi.” 

“What?” He glared down at her. “That’s not-” 

“It’s between 1 and 100. I chose pi.” 

He wrinkled his nose. “I knew I didn’t like you. What is it… 3.41?” 

“3.14159,” Alyssa corrected. “And that is the number I chose.” 

“No. It doesn’t work like that,” Jacob complained, stomping his foot. “You’re making me look bad. I need a whole number.” 

“So you can’t do it on your own? You need the help of a, what did you think I was - a 19-year-old girl?” 

Jacob bit his lip angrily, tracing the knife along Alyssa’s stomach. “I guess I’ll pick myself then.” He pressed the blade deeper, letting it cut into her flesh, leaving a trail of red down her lower abdomen. She didn’t make a sound. “Tough cookie,” Jacob said. “But I guess the scars on your arms speak for themselves.” 

“Which ones?” challenged Alyssa. “The ones you gave me?” 

Jacob rolled his eyes. “Seriously, who would want to hurt themselves when they could just-” he thrust the blade across her stomach, making another thin cut. “Hurt someone else.” 

“Sociopaths,” Alyssa replied. “That’s what sociopaths want to do.” 

“Maybe.” He drew the blade towards her chin. “How many do you think it will take until you bleed out.” 

“At the rate you’re going, a really long time.” 

Alyssa let out a heavy sigh. She looked towards the door that Jaccob had failed to secure correctly. The agents all had their guns pointed at Jacob, well, except JJ. Her gun was 2 feet away from Alyssa’s feet. Jacob looked towards it. 

“I wouldn’t,” Gideon warned. “By the time you got to it, there’d be a bullet through your brain, maybe your stomach, too.” 

“You think I’m afraid of dying?” Jacob scoffed, pressing the blade against Alyssa, drawing blood. 

“Just step away from her, Jacob,” Dr. Reid said. “And we can end this.” 

“What’s your definition of the end?” he questioned, letting the blade slip through the outer layers of flesh. “Because this is not over.” He metal clattered to the floor as he leaned towards Alyssa’s ear. “You remember that.” 

He stepped backed, hands in the air. Morgan and Hotch rushed towards Jacob, yanking his hands behind his back. JJ picked up her gun. “Are you alright?” she bent down at Alyssa’s side, fumbling with the knots around her arms, while Elle cut the ropes from her feet using Jacob’s knife. 

“Fine,” Alyssa mumbled. She was not fine. She felt dizzy, and alone, despite the presence of the agents around her. She wasn’t afraid, just alone. There was a pressing feeling of emptiness around her, and she couldn’t explain why. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I wasn’t thinking-” 

“Calm down.” Elle placed a hand on Alyssa, who jumped, although she couldn’t really move. 

“We understand,” JJ comforted, “what you were thinking, and we are glad that we found you. What you did, calling my phone, was really, really smart.” 

Alyssa nodded, tears beginning to leak down her cheeks. JJ wiped them away. “Shh. We’ve got an ambulance coming. It’s all going to be okay.” 

She squeezed her eyes shut, the dizziness growing along with the empty pit in her stomach. “I don’t feel good,” she managed, wavering in her seat. Arms grabbed her shoulders. 

“She didn’t lose too much blood,” a distant voice commented. “It’s probably just shock.” 

“I feel like I’m gonna throw up.” Alyssa felt hands grab her hair as she leaned forward, coughing out the little that was left in her stomach. 

“Get it out,” JJ mumbled. “You’re okay.” Alyssa sat back, her small frame shaking in the wooden chair. “Lyssa, look at me.” 

Green eyes looked up. “What?” 

“I need you to calm down.” Her eyes flicked to the side, looking at Elle. “Take a few deep breaths. How dizzy are you?” 

“I can’t stand up.” 

JJ squeezed her hand. “Just keep listening to us, alright.” 

“I should have noticed Jacob sooner,” mumbled Alyssa, brushing a strand of light brown hair from her face. 

“There was no way you could have known,” Elle said. “There’s plenty of times we miss the obvious and we’ve been in the field for years.” 

“Alyssa,” JJ interrupted. “Is there anyone we can call? Someone, to meet you at the hospital? I don’t want you there alone.” 

She sighed, rubbing her head. “Maggie. But my phone is dead.” 

“We have a technical analyst that can find her number and you can talk to her. What’s her full name?” asked Elle. 

“Margaret Wilson.” 

“Morgan!” the agent called. “Get Garcia to find Margaret Wilson’s phone number.” 

“On it!” 

“Alright,” started JJ. “We’re going to have you stand up, okay? The paramedics are here.” She took the younger woman’s arm gently and pulled her to her feet. “There you go.” 

“I’m okay,” she assured, wavering slightly as she took a nimble step forward. 

“I’ve got Margaret on the phone,” Morgan said, waving the device in the air. He handed the phone to Alyssa. She fumbled to hold it against her ear. 

“Hi, Maggie, it’s Alyssa… no, I’m okay… they’re taking me to the hospital. Can you meet me here? Maggie- okay thanks.” She reached her hand out, returning the phone to Morgan. “She’s going to meet me here.” 

“That’s good,” JJ said, cut off by the entrance of a group of paramedics. One of them eyed her stomach. 

“How bad are those?” he asked. 

Alyssa gritted her teeth. “Not bad. Well, better than my wrists. She eyed the fresh stitches on her forearms, covering older scars. 

“Man, how old are those?” the paramedic asked. 

“About 13 hours.” Alyssa shrugged. “Twice in one day, what do you know?” 

“Yeah,” he said. “We’ll take her from here.” The paramedic grabbed Alyssa’s arm slightly, but she wrenched it back, pressing it close to her body. 

“Don’t touch me.” 

“Lyssa-” JJ started, still gently holding her arm. “Let them help you.” 

“I can walk.” She shoved JJ away gently. “I’m fine.” She didn’t make it very far before she was stumbling, grabbing at nothing against the wall. 

“Alyssa, come on.” Agent Greenaway helped her stand up. “Can I help you?” 

“Yes.” She gingerly moved forward, Elle supporting some of her weight as they neared the waiting ambulance. 

. . .

It had taken some convincing to let the paramedics touch her, but they had finally cleaned out the cuts on Alyssa’s stomach and redressed her arms. She was sitting on the edge of the ambulance, shock blanket wrapped tightly around her shoulder. JJ approached Alyssa slowly. 

“Hey,” she said. “How’re you doing?” 

“I’m fine.” 

“If you ever need to talk about anything,” started JJ. “You can call me, okay? You have my number.” 

“Mmhmm.” Alyssa looked up at her, studying the concern in her face. “Why do you care so much? This job is just case after case, isn’t it? This won’t even matter in 3 days.” 

JJ smiled softly, sitting down next to her. “I don’t forget so easily,” she spoke quietly. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.” 

Alyssa let out a small sigh. 

“Look, I saw your arms.” 

“Seriously?” she asked incredulously. “That’s what this is about? That is my business and you can leave it alone, can’t you?” 

“I’m only bringing it up because I care, Alyssa. Please listen to me.” 

“Whatever,” she muttered bitterly. 

“I know what it does people.” JJ tapped the back of her hand softly. “I’m not here to give you a lecture or anything. I just want to be someone you can turn to.” 

“I barely know you.” 

“Sometimes that’s better. I have nothing to judge.” 

Alyssa nodded, readjusting the blanket around her shoulders. “I’ll call you if I need it. Thank you.” 

“Aly!” The two women looked up to see a dark-haired girl standing outside the caution tape. 

“You know her?” Reid asked. 

Alyssa nodded. “Maggie!” Reid stepped aside, letting the girl run towards Alyssa. She appeared to be about her age. 

“You good?” JJ asked, not really directing that question specifically at either woman. 

“Yeah.” 

JJ looked at Maggie. “Get her home safely.” 

“I will.” She turned to Alyssa. “Are you okay?” 

Alyssa shrugged, lifting up her shirt. “They’re not as bad as they look.” 

Maggie’s hand rose to cover her mouth. “Oh my god.” 

“Look, I just want to go home. They told me I had to call someone.” Alyssa stood up, tossing the blanket on the ledge of the ambulance. “Let’s get out of here.” 

“Yeah, yeah of course.” Maggie slipped her arm around Alyssa’s shoulder. “Let’s go. I haven’t seen you in a while.” 

“I’ve been busy.” 

“I was the first person you thought to call?” Maggie asked, slightly interested in Alyssa’s reasoning behind it.

“There wasn’t anyone else, Mags. Well, not anyone that wouldn’t freak out when I told them I’d been kidnapped.” 

“If anyone could handle it, it’s you.” 

“I guess I’m living proof.” Alyssa waved as she passed by the group of agents. “Thank you!” she called, pausing to look back at Reid. “Oh, and remember that 11%.” 

The agents burst into a chorus of laughter and Maggie looked suspiciously at Alyssa. “What was that about?” 

“Oh, just some statistic.” 

Maggie smirked. “Of course.” 

. . .

“Dumb 11%,” Reid grumbled as he leaned back in the seat of the SUV. 

“What was that pretty boy?” mocked Morgan. “Still claiming you’re part of the 89% of us normal people.” 

Reid rolled his eyes. “I am part of that so-called  _ normal _ group.” 

“Ah, I’ll be waiting for the day you admit you’re wrong.” Morgan adjusted his grip on the steering wheel. 

“Tell me again why we had to drive,” complained Reid. “It’s so far.” 

“Because,” started Elle from the backseat. “We were already close to our previous case.” 

“2 cases in a row,” scoffed Morgan. “I can’t believe it.” 

“And I always get stuck with you guys. Why couldn’t I go with Hotch and Gideon?” asked Reid, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“10 minutes in the car with you and they’d throw you out,” joked Elle. She glanced over at JJ who was staring silently out the window. The older agent nudged the blonde. “Hey, space cadet, is everything okay over there?” 

JJ glanced up, meeting Elle’s eye hesitantly. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?” 

Elle shrugged. “I don’t know. You’ve just been a little  _ off _ today. You want to tell me anything?” 

JJ shifted in her seat, pulling her legs beneath her and crossing her arms across her chest in a defensive movement. “I was just worried about Alyssa.” 

“Mmhmm.” Elle tucked her hair behind her ears, still trying to analyze what JJ was thinking. “You were a little more worried than the rest of us. Did you know her?” 

“What? No.” 

“JJ,” warned Elle. “Come on.” 

“I didn’t know her.” 

“But you made a personal connection to her, didn’t you?” 

The blonde slouched her seat, aware, and glad, that both Derek and Reid had headphones in their ears. “Don’t profile me,” she snapped. 

Elle blinked, taken aback by her sudden aggression. “Hey, I’m sorry.” 

JJ shrugged. “I’m just glad we got the unsub and that Alyssa’s safe.” 

“Me too.” 

Reid slid his headphones off, turning to look at the two female agents. “I could’ve gone with her 11%.” 

JJ cracked a small smile. “I could call her right now and she’d probably have another statistic to give you.” 

Reid squinted. “Don’t you dare.” 

JJ rolled her eyes. “Oh, I would never think of it,” she joked, as she glanced down at the newly programmed number in her saved contact. She was going to make sure that Alyssa was okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the weird formatting, I just copy + pasted from a google doc. Anyway, I’d love to know what you thought of this chapter! I have about 50 more pages written that I’m waiting to publish. Each case in this story will last about two chapters, just so you have an idea of how this is laid out. The next chapter brings light to Alyssa’s past!


	3. A Familiar Place

**“Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn, my God, do you learn.”**

\- C.S. Lewis

_Set in early season 3_

_September 2007_

“Why did JJ say she was going to be late?” Emily asked, leaning back in her chair. 

“I think she was meeting with one of the new agents,” replied Reid, scanning over the files that Garcia had printed out. 

“Oh, yeah, didn’t that Alyssa girl start back in August?” 

Emily looked between Reid and Morgan. “Who?” 

“Alyssa Bennett,” said Morgan. 

“2 years ago we had a case in Pittsburgh,” started Reid. “The unsub was a narcissistic sociopath slitting girls’ wrists.” 

“You didn’t answer my question,” Emily pointed out. 

“Alyssa got away.” Morgan shrugged. “And then she figured out who the unsub was, took JJ’s gun, followed the guy and then called JJ’s phone from the warehouse she got taken to.” 

Emily’s mouth was hanging open slightly. “A college-age girl out profiled you guys?” 

“Well, not exactly.” 

Morgan rolled his eyes. “Actually, pretty boy, that’s exactly what happened. For the most part, it worked out okay. I mean, she was cut up pretty badly, but still went into the field.” 

“And she’s an agent now?” 

“Guess so,” Morgan answered. “Oh, Reid, maybe she’ll have more statistics for you.” 

“She better not.” Reid gritted his teeth, earning an odd glance from Emily. 

“What’s that about?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Alright…” Emily grabbed one of the files, beginning to read it. “What department did she go into?” 

“Something with crime against children I think. She was a pretty good detective.” 

“She worked at the station?” 

Reid nodded. “Her partner was the unsub.” 

“That is one hell of a story to tell. Did JJ keep in contact with her?” 

“I would assume so. She was kind of weird during the case. One of our old agents asked her about it and she got all closed off. I think she thought it was her fault that Alyssa got attacked twice.” 

“You remember that?” scoffed Emily. 

“He remembers everything.” Morgan grinned, knocking Reid on the back of the head. “Isn’t that right, Mr. IQ of 187?” 

“Alright guys,” Hotch announced, entering the room with JJ on his heels. “We’ve got a kidnapping case in the suburbs outside of Chicago.” 

“Yeah, we were reading over the files,” Reid said. “Although there wasn’t much here.” 

JJ grabbed the mechanical clicker, turning towards the screen. “Last night, high school seniors Emilia Mills, Lily Nelson, and Piper Lewis didn’t come home after hanging out. This morning, Piper was found 15 miles away from her home completely disoriented.” 

“What did she tell the police?” Morgan asked. 

JJ sighed. “Nothing yet. She has extreme anxiety and they can’t get her to talk.” 

“So let me get this straight,” Emily started. “3 girls went missing, nobody knows where they were or where they were taken from, meaning no crime scene, and one of them shows up and doesn’t say anything.” 

“Yes,” confirmed JJ. 

“We know how kidnappings work,” Hotch said. “The longer we wait, the lower the chances of finding the girl alive. Wheels up in 20.” 

Morgan let out a breath, leaning back in his chair. “How the hell are we supposed to solve this case? There’s nothing.” 

“We don’t know the area,” Emily mumbled. “We’re starting at ground zero.”

“That’s why we’re bringing in someone who knows the victims and area well.” 

Heads turned to look at JJ. “What do you mean?” asked Emily. “Is this why you were late?” 

“No,” countered Morgan. “You were talking to Alyssa.” 

JJ nodded in confirmation. “I was. She used to know the girls. In fact, they lived on the same street.” 

Reid stared at JJ, opened mouthed. “We’re bringing in a new recruit? Who has no field experience?” 

“Technically,” Morgan countered. “She has experience in one case.” 

Hotch poked his head back in the room. “Let’s go. And guys, try to be nice to Alyssa.” He glanced towards Reid. 

“What?” he asked incredulously as eyes looked towards him. Morgan held back a snicker. 

“Okay,” Emily said. “What’s going on? Because I’m getting the message that Alyssa and Reid didn’t exactly get along a few years ago.” 

“Let’s just say she’s the only one who’s ever made pretty boy shut up.” 

Emily grinned. “Can’t wait to meet this one.” 

“She’s coming on the plane with us,” JJ called as she walked from the conference room, files gathered in her arms. 

. . .

Emily glanced up from her seat on the plane when JJ walked in, talking to a younger agent, who she assumed to be Alyssa. 

“Guys, this is Alyssa Bennett,” JJ introduced. “She’ll be joining us in this case.” 

Alyssa offered the members on the team a small smile. “Hi.” 

“Good to see you again,” Morgan greeted. Emily stood up walking over the younger woman. 

“I’m Emily Prentiss. It’s nice to finally meet you.” She stuck out her hand. “Do you do handshakes?” 

Alyssa shook it lightly. “I do. Unlike your friend Dr. Reid.” She waved over at the youngest member of the BAU, sulking in the corner. A few members of the team let out a small laugh. 

“I take it you’ve read our case files?” Hotch asked, handing Alyssa a copy of the papers. “And you understand the severity of the situation?” 

“Yes, sir,” confirmed Agent Bennett. 

“What can you tell us about the girls?” Morgan asked her. 5 pairs of eyes turned to watch Alyssa. 

“I’ve known them for a really long time,” she started. “Piper lived across the street from me. They were all really good kids, I don’t think they were the type to get in trouble.” 

“If they were hanging out somewhere, do you know where they would have gone?” JJ questioned. “We know they were at any of their houses, and no cars were taken. Somewhere they could have gone on foot?” 

Alyssa bit her lip, concentrating on memories she hadn’t thought of in years. “Are you sure they weren’t home? I can’t think of anywhere. There weren’t any businesses or stores a bunch of high schoolers would voluntarily go to.” 

“It’s possible they were at Emilia’s house.” 

“Her brother wasn't home?” 

“Her file says she only has one brother, Will, and he’s a senior at… UIC,” explained Emily. 

“She had a stepbrother,” Alyssa replied, picking at one of her fingernails. “We never really got along.” 

“What else do you know about their families? Usually, kidnappings happen with someone that the victims know?” 

“Lily had one brother. I think he’s a sophomore in college. He’s not capable of anything like this. He was always really nice. Piper has two brothers, they’re both in college.” 

“Would their parents have a motive to take the girls? Specifically Piper’s parents?” 

“No!” Alyssa’s voice rose slightly. “At least, not that I know of.” 

“Alright, that’s fine,” Hotch interrupted. “When we get there, Prentiss, take Bennett with you to the hospital and talk to Piper. The rest of you will come with me. We’ll set up at the station and talk to the guy that found Piper this morning.” 

“Who was it?” pressed Reid. 

“Gary Lukeman,” replied the agent’s boss. “A local construction worker found her stumbling onto the site.” 

. . .

“So you graduated from the academy in July?” Prentiss asked as the two women climbed into the borrowed SUV. 

Alyssa nodded in confirmation. “It was a long 5 months.” 

“Oh yeah, they put you through hell,” Emily joked. 

“It’s weird that my first case is here,” Alyssa mumbled, mostly to herself. “And that I know the victims.” 

“Usually, we don’t let people with personal connections work our cases, but seeing as we have absolutely no evidence, you’re the best chance we’ve got.” 

“That’s really not helping.” Alyssa pulled at her hairband on her wrist. Emily eyed the repetitive movement. 

“Nervous?” 

“I guess so.” 

“It’s something with this job that you get past,” Emily explained. “The nerves stop getting to you and it’s all about getting the unsub.” 

“I mean, all business, right?” 

Emily shrugged, pulling into a parking spot at the hospital. “Yeah. I don’t know if it always helps us.” 

“What?” 

“Being able to hide our emotions so well, manipulate them however we want. It’s a learned skill, but sometimes, it’s more of an Achilles heel. Sometimes, that’s why JJ is so good at talking to people.” 

“I think that’s why she was so good with me,” Alyssa agreed. “When I was attacked, she was the only one who could get me to talk. I think it was because she was genuinely concerned, and not just there for the facts.” 

“Whatever JJ did with you,” started the older agent, “do it with Piper.” 

Alyssa nodded slightly, brushing her light brown hair behind her ears. “I’ll try.” 

. . .

Emily flashed her badge to the woman at the desk in the hospital, Alyssa doing the same, standing just behind her. 

“FBI,” announced Prentiss. “We need to talk to Piper Lewis.” 

The woman nodded, rifling through some papers. “Alright. Room 311. She’s getting some detox for drugs in her system so she might be a little drowsy.” 

“Thank you.” The brunette nodded, heading towards the hallway. She glanced at Alyssa, whose eyebrows were raised in confusion. “What’s up?” 

“Piper would never do drugs.” 

“Oh, come on,” Emily scoffed. “She’s a high school senior hanging out with her friends. Didn’t you?” 

“No.” Alyssa scratched her head. “I know Piper wouldn’t.” 

Emily paused. “Are you sure?” 

“Her cousin died of an overdose when she was 14. So, yeah, I’m pretty sure she’d never touch drugs unless someone forced it into her system. Is this the room?” she pointed at the door. 

“Yeah.” Emily grabbed the handle and pulled the door open for the younger agent. “You ready?”

“Mmhmm.” Inside the room, she saw an older version of a girl she hadn’t seen in years. She was laying, propped up, with an IV connected to her arm. 

“Piper,” started Emily. “Can we talk to you for a little bit?” 

Her fearful brown eyes fluttered open, first seeing Emily, and then Alyssa. A wave of relief seemed to hit her. 

Alyssa waved. “Hey, Piper.” 

“Lyssa!” 

“Everything's okay, Piper.” Alyssa took her hand gently. “You’re okay. Do you remember what happened? I heard that you couldn’t talk to the police?” 

“It’s blurry.” 

“We could try a memory retrieval technique,” Emily suggested. Alyssa glared back at the older agent, shaking her head. The brunette leaned against the wall, waving her hands in defense. 

“Can you tell me the last thing you remember doing with Piper, Emi, and Lily?” 

Piper squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m scared. What if they die?” 

“They won’t,” Alyssa promised. She knew how dangerous false promises could be. False hope was the last thing Piper needed right now. “As long as you can tell me what happened, okay?” 

“I went there with them. We were talking. And then I don’t remember.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Find them, Aly.” 

“I’m going to try,” she whispered. “Here’s the deal: I know you want to forget, and I know it’s blocked in your mind, but you have to try and remember, please. I’m going to come back later and you can tell me if you think of anything, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

“How’re you feeling?” 

“I’m tired,” Piper mumbled. “Everything is sore. I can’t move.” 

“You’ll gain your strength back.” Alyssa stood from the chair she was sitting in. “Maybe get something to eat.” The younger agent walked towards Emily. “Let’s go.” 

“Bennett, we don’t have anything.” 

“Emily,” she gritted her teeth. “Let’s go.” Alyssa took her arm, half dragging her towards the hallway. “I know where they were taken from and how.”

“They were sedated and given something to erase their memories, that much was clear,” scoffed the older agent. “But other than that, we have _nothing_ , Alyssa.” 

“Emily, listen to me.” Alyssa stopped in the middle of the hallway, hands poised on her hips. “I know _exactly_ where they were taken from.” 

“How? All she said was if I’m recalling this correctly ‘I went there with them.’ That means nothing.” 

“It means something to me. I’ve known this girl since she was a baby. We need to go _right now_.” 

Emily pulled the keys out of her pocket. “You drive, I’ll call Hotch on the way. Do we need back up or anyone to meet us there?” 

“I’ll see once we get there. If it’s a crime scene, then yeah.” 

“We need to call CSI, then.” 

“Not now.” Alyssa started the car, pulling from the parking lot. 

“Are we at least close, Bennett? You’ve got to tell me what’s going on.” 

“Yeah, we’re two miles away. We’re going to have to walk a little bit, is that okay? It’s this place in the woods we used to go to when we were little.” 

“We?” 

“Me, Piper, Lily, Emi, all of our brothers, friends.” 

“Did a lot of people know about it?” 

“No.” Alyssa sighed. “It’s complicated. It’ll be easier to explain when we’re actually there.” The black SUV pulled into a gravel parking lot. It was surrounded by trees on three sides, and the small road on the fourth. 

“Where are we?” 

“About half a mile away from where I used to live. Come on.” She stepped from the car, looking towards the scraggly trees bordering the empty lot. 

“I didn’t sign up to scavenge my way through a forest,” Emily joked, earning a glare from Alyssa. “Sorry.” 

“No, I’m sorry,” Alyssa corrected. “For being snappy and all. It’s just my first time in the field, well, officially in the field, and it’s personal.” 

“Knowing the victims does make it a lot harder, and if you need a break, I understand.” 

“I don’t just know them. I think it’s about to get a lot worse.” The younger agent pushed aside some branches, stepping onto a lightly worn trail. She was closely followed by Emily. 

“When I was maybe 11 or 12, a group of boys, mainly the victims’ brothers, and I, used to play together a lot. You know, stupid tag games.” 

“Mmhmm.” 

“Yeah, I think we came into the woods for the first time when I was 13. I was a little slower to mature than most girls. I didn’t mind running around with the boys. Anyways, we did some not so legal things, you know just stealing supplies.” 

“Most teenagers do a lot of even less legal things,” reasoned Emily, eyeing a suspicious-looking bridge that Alyssa led her across. “Is this thing hand made?” 

“I built it.” She brushed aside some leaves and branches, revealing an open space that was perfectly concealed in the forest. 

“Well,” Emily mumbled. “I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this.” 

“We spent 5 months getting the supplies and building this. I had just started freshman year when we finished it. As we got older, we leaned away from the tag stuff and started making our own missions and stuff. This was our hang out.” 

“How many people knew about it?” Emily eyed the blanket on the ground, covered with a strewn deck of cards. 

“At the start, it was 5, plus the girls, so 8. People started to hear about it, but we only let in the ones we trusted. Others invited friends. I think there were 28, there’s probably more now. We all vowed to only let our smallest circles come here. We didn’t want it to be some illegal rave place for drunk teenagers.” 

“Understandable.” Emily motioned to the cards. “Were they here last night?” 

Alyssa bent down, brushing away some dirt. The older agent kneels down next to her. “A hidden box?’ 

The lighter brunette pulled it out, opening the red metal box. “This is a log of who visits and when.” She uncurled a piece of paper. “Fere, Baby Blue, Echo Jr. Yeah, they were here alright.” 

“What are those?” Emily pointed to the unfamiliar letters and names. 

“Code names and a language I made up when I was 9.” 

Emily let out a small breath of air that registered somewhere between a laugh and scoff. “Alyssa, I really don’t know what to think of all this.” 

“Look, this place, those people, were like my family outside of home.” The younger woman glanced down at her hands, examining her chewed fingernails and old scars. “I used to come here to get away.” 

“From what?” 

“My parents.” 

“Oh-” 

“Emily, look.” Alyssa paused, pointing at the dirty blanket laid across the floor. “There are four hands of cards. And only three on the list.” 

Emily nodded. “So did they bring someone they knew, someone you knew, too?” 

“Probably. If they wanted to hang out with a friend that didn’t know about this place, they would have written their name down.” 

“Okay, here’s where I’m confused.” Emily crossed her arms over her chest, scanning the hidden shelter again. “When people get kidnapped, the person who does it has a motive, a purpose. So what is it here? In cases like these, there’s almost always a threat or note, or something that points to what the unsub wants.” 

“Oh my god.” 

Emily glanced up from the dusty ground as Alyssa shoved past her to exit the shelter. “Alyssa-” The brunette followed the younger woman as she rushed to the makeshift bridge, where she was bent down, fumbling with one of the planks. “What are you doing?” 

A nail dislodged, followed by a canister. Emily rubbed one of her eyes. “Another hiding place?” 

This girl was turning out to be a lot more interesting than she had expected. Alyssa’s frantic hands scratched at the tin, pulling off the lid. She unfolded a loose-leaf piece of paper. Although it was a description Emily knew to be metaphorical, she was sure Alyssa physically paled upon reading it. The brunette placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. 

“Are you alright?” 

Alyssa swallowed heavily, eyes locked on hastily scrambled words. Emily squinted to make them out. They weren’t in English. In fact, they weren’t any language she recognized. “What does it say?” 

“O syfu si todge poh. Ov aie e joo dee sees e joo, sen aie kami sa o wow soh.” 

“I don’t know what that means.” 

Alyssa inhaled softly, letting the air out slowly. It wasn’t hard for Emily to clearly see that she panicked about what was happening. “Alyssa, we need to call in CSI and get this to them for fingerprints. What does it say?” 

“I have the girls. If you are who you are, then you know why I did this.” 

“How could the unsub know you were going to be in this case?” 

“He didn’t,” Alyssa mumbled. “But he knew that whoever found this would be able to understand the code.” 

“Alright,” Emily hung up her phone. “Let’s get going.” 

“I need to go home.” Alyssa headed back for the trail, moving at a quicker pace than before, rushed to get there. 

“Alyssa!” Emily called after her, glancing back at the hidden hiding spot before rushing after the younger agent. She caught up to her as they neared the car. “Do you know anything about this?” 

The light brunette rapidly shook her head. “No, no I don’t.” 

Emily took her arm lightly. “Is there something going on that could be related to this case?” 

“No,” she snapped, averting eye contact. 

“I’m a profiler,” stated Emily. 

“And?” 

“I can tell when you’re lying. Look, I can see you’re clearly a little shaken up by this, and I’m here to talk- or listen.” 

“A _little_ shaken up?” Alyssa’s jaw dropped open, anger boiling. She fumbled to form a full sentence. “Emily, 3 girls I used to babysit have been kidnapped, and then the past I thought I buried resurfaces. I’m more than _a little_ shaken up.” 

“Why did you need to bury it, Alyssa?” 

“It doesn’t have anything to do with the case,” she said, climbing into the car. 

“Really?’ Emily pressed. “Because a language you made when you were nine is on a note left by our apparent unsub, and a hideout you made when you were fourteen is a crime scene.” 

“Can we go to my house?” 

Emily started the car, staring worriedly at the younger woman. “Yes, yes of course.” 

“There’s a lot of my childhood I’d like to forget,” admitted Alyssa. “And some of this is bringing back memories I don’t want to relive.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“I shouldn’t be acting like this, and I should be worrying about the girls, not what happened to me when I was younger.” 

“Alyssa, you don’t-”

“Take a right!” Emily jerked the wheel. “On the corner.” Alyssa pointed to a smaller house. “Oh, thank god my parents aren’t home.” 

“What? Don’t get along well?” 

Alyssa glared at the other agent. “You could say that. Come inside with me.” 

“O- okay.” Emily stepped from the car, following Alyssa as she typed the code into the keypad next to the garage. It slowly creaked open, and the agent rushed towards the door, kicking off her shoes. Emily did the same, following her into the home. It surprised her to find nothing was out of place. 

Alyssa’s room was the same. Light gray walls, few decorations. Alyssa opened her closet, divided from the small room by a curtain. She fumbled with a poster on the wall, revealing an open space. 

“Seriously?” 

“Oh, come on,” Alyssa groaned. “Tell me you didn’t hide stuff from your parents.” 

“Tons of stuff,” Emily agreed. “But in your own home?” 

“You’re a profiler. Figure it out.” Alyssa’s green eyes met Emily’s brown ones. The older agent peered at Alyssa for a moment before letting out a sigh. 

“It’s not my business.” 

“You wanted to know what was going on, figure it out for yourself.” 

Alyssa looked away as she pulled a small cardboard box from the hole in the wall. She opened it. Inside it was a pen, a small notebook, and a wooden puzzle box. Emily eyed the notebooks lining one of the walls inside the closet. 

“I think that there are some painful memories that you repressed for a long time,” started the brunette. “And your parents are part of it, along with someone that was part of your club thing in the woods.” 

“Look at you, a profiler,” scoffed Alyssa. “Can you stop with the questions now?” Emily didn’t respond, she watched the younger woman flip through the notebook. “I have the names, well, code names, of everyone who’s ever been there. We’re going to need those. I think the unsub is probably on this list.” 

“That’s great. And Alyssa?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Sorry for pressing. I’m one to compartmentalize as well, and it’s not always the best move.” 

“Can you step out for a second?” Alyssa started fumbling with the puzzle box, trying to open it. 

“What?” 

“You know what?” she snapped. “Nevermind. You already know enough, so why not find out more about my crappy childhood.” Emily stared wide-eyed at her, not quite registering the shiny metal that flashed inside the box. She fished out a piece of paper, closing the box and returning it to the wall. 

It hadn’t processed in Emily’s mind until Alyssa was shoving her out of her closet. “I’m sorry. I’m _so_ sorry.” 

“Does it matter at this point? Just don’t tell them.” 

“I won’t,” promised Emily. “Let’s go find those girls. You have everything that you need?” 

“Yes.” Alyssa got back into the car. “I take it CSI got to the hideout?” 

“Yeah. We’re going to get backgrounds on the names you have. Maybe something will ring a bell. Chances are, the girls knew the unsub. Quite well, too.” 

Emily glanced over when the younger agent didn’t offer a response. She was staring blankly out the window. “I know that look,” she said. “And I’m just going to say it now: I am here to listen, Alyssa, you cannot keep all this in, especially on this case.” 

“Later. I just want to finish this case. Maybe my next case back in DC won’t be so traumatizing.” 

. . .

“Prentiss, what have we got?” Hotch called from the conference room as the two agents entered the station. 

Emily turned to look at Alyssa. “Get talking.” It took all of 2 minutes for Alyssa to race through her hasty explanation of the hideout, the message, and the background of her relation to the brothers. 

“You had a secret language,” Reid repeated. “And the unsub left a message in it.” 

“It’s clear that the unsub knew the girls, and Alyssa, most likely.” 

“Bennett,” Morgan started. “Can you think of anyone that would want to hurt Lily or Emilia or Piper, or even their families?” 

Alyssa rubbed her eyes. “No.” 

“You’ve got to think,” Morgan pressed. “We could try a memory re-” 

“Just let me go through the list!” The group of agents blinked at her sudden outburst. She stood up. “I want to be alone for a moment and think.” 

“Prentiss, is she okay?” Hotch asked as soon as the younger agent was out of ear shot. 

“She had a rough childhood,” Emily explained. “It’s just bringing back some memories.” 

“PTSD?” Morgan asked. 

Emily shook her head slightly. “At the least, she suffered some sort of trauma or abuse. I think this is hitting close to home.” 

“Geographically, yes,” Reid confirmed. 

“I think it was her parents,” Emily said, although only JJ heard her. 

“Or maybe it was the fact she got kidnapped.” 

“God, I’m surprised she’s this _okay_.” 

“Honestly, I think she just hides it well.” The blonde turned to look at Alyssa walking back into the room. “All good?” 

“Fine.” 

“Bennett, we need you to go over the list of names,” instructed Hotch. “And make a list of anyone who could have come into contact with the girls in the past few months.” 

“What type of names are these?” Morgan questioned, flipping through the old notebook. “I don’t recognize any of them.”

“Code names. They’re secret for a reason. Let me see.” Alyssa stuck out her hand taking the notebook. “Can someone write these down?” 

Emily grabbed a piece of paper. “Okay, go ahead.” 

Alyssa let out a breath. “Just get their code names. I’ll translate after. Blue, Echo, Charlie, Delta, Skid, Fang, Amicus- wait, I don’t recognize the last ones.” 

“I thought you knew everyone?” JJ asked. 

“Apparently they invited more.” 

“And you have no way of knowing who they are?” Morgan pressed. 

“No.” 

Emily pointed at the paper. “Who are they?” 

“The brothers,” replied Alyssa. “And some friends that are still in high school. Everyone else on this list is in college. No one really stays close, unless you count Chicago, but that’s still an hour away.” 

“Garcia cleared all the brothers,” Hotch called from across the room. “They all had solid alibis.” 

“Even Griffin?” 

Heads turned to look at Alyssa. “Who?” The younger agent lowered herself into a chair, mouth hanging open, no words coming out. 

JJ stood up. “Are you okay?” 

“I think I know who did this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is loosely based off a kidnapping that happened in my home town and that’s really all I have to say. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	4. Memories Unwanted

**“The future is scary, but you can’t just run back to the past because it’s familiar. Yes, it’s tempting, but it is a mistake.”**

\- Robert Scherbatsky

“Garcia do you have anything on a Griffin?” 

“Surname?” called a peppy voice from the other end of the phone. Alyssa shook her head. 

“I got nothing, baby girl. He’s related to Emilia Mills.” 

“There’s no legal records of anyone being related.” 

“He was her step brother,” Alyssa mumbled. “When she was really little. Her mom dated this guy and he was his kid. They broke up when I was 16.” 

“Okay, I’ve got a Griffin Walker… oh, my.” 

“What’s up, Garcia?” Emily asked, tucking her dark hair behind her ears as she leaned over the phone. 

“He’s been arrested a couple time for possession and use of drugs, there’s 2 assault charges, and one case of sexual assault on a minor, but the files are sealed, I can’t get into them.” 

Alyssa bit her cheek. “That isn’t related to the girls.” 

“And you know this how?” Morgan asked. 

“Doesn’t matter.” 

“Bennett,” started Hotch. “Do you have any reason as to why Griffin would have done this?” 

“It’s complicated.”

“Start talking.” 

“He was really rough. He used to mess with the girls all the time. I got in the way, tried to shove him off. They were so little at the time, you know, maybe 9 or 10.” 

“Okay, so he messed with his step sister and her friends, why is that a problem?” 

“The assault case,” Alyssa whispered. “I called the police after he beat up Emi and Piper and Lily. They were 7 at the time, he was 17, still a minor.” 

“Could this case have anything to do with being mad at you?” 

“He didn’t blame me. He blamed them, but he was in and out of juvy, and then jail, once he turned 18. The sexual assault case got dropped. There wasn’t any solid evidence. He went off the radar after that, I went to college a few years later and never heard from him again.” 

“How would he have known the code and your hideout?” Reid asked. 

“Will, Emi’s older brother kept the translation key in his bedroom and brought Griffin out there a few times, even though I told him not to.” 

“I take it you and Griffin didn’t get along,” concluded JJ. Alyssa shot her an angry glare from the side as Garcia piped up from the phone. 

“Okay, so I got into the file and oh-” 

Morgan looked down at the phone. “What, Garcia?” 

“Alyssa, can you tell them?” Heads turned from the phone to the younger agent. 

“My friend was the one who pressed the charges for the sexual assault.” 

“Who was your friend?” Hotch asked. 

“He didn’t attack my friend, she was just the one who called the police.” 

“Who did he attack, Lyssa?” JJ touched her shoulder gently. 

“Me.” Silence hung in the air for a moment. “Garcia,” Alyssa finally said, “Does Griffin have a secondary location he could have taken the girls to?” 

“I’ve got nothing, sweetie, I’m sorry.” 

“It’d be some place significant to him,” concluded Rossi. “And the girls.” 

Alyssa froze. “There was this empty barn out in the woods that he used to go to. He took Emi and Lily there once and left them with no way to get home.” 

“We need to go,” Morgan called, grabbing a set of keys. “You’re certified to be in the field, right?” 

Alyssa glanced down at the firearm strapped to her hip. “Yeah.” 

“Bennett, you’re with Prentiss and Reid. JJ, Morgan, you’re with me and Rossi.” The agents nodded, working to secure their vests around their torsos. Alyssa hurried after Emily, who turned to look at her. 

“You okay?” 

“I will be, hey, guys!” she called. “There's no road by the barn, it’s literally in the middle of the forest.” 

“Garcia sent the location, we’re good!” JJ replied, climbing in the back of the SUV. 5 minutes later, the agents were hopping from their cars, guns at the ready as they charged into the woods. 

“What’s his endgame?” Emily wondered aloud. 

“Initially,” started Reid. “It was to incite fear and get revenge for the harm caused to him in the past.” 

Alyssa blinked rapidly, trying to keep herself calm. “So do you think he would kill them?” 

“I don’t think so, but we have to be careful.” 

The old barn came into view through the trees. “You guys, go around back, the rest of us will take the front.” Hotch pointed to the doors. 

“I hate splitting up,” muttered JJ. “Especially at barns.” 

Alyssa glanced at her, confused. 

“Old case,” Emily explained, slowly heading towards a well worn trail that led around the weathered building. Alyssa and Reid followed her closely. 

“I don’t hear voices.” 

Reid nodded. “That’s either good or bad.” Their assumption was confirmed by a very feminine sounding scream from inside the barn. 

“Move!” Emily cried, picking up her pace to reach the door. She shoved it open, bursting inside. 

“FBI!” Reid yelled. 

“Griffin Walker, you’re under arrest.” 

Alyssa froze when she entered the barn. Emi and Lily were tied back to back, blood and bruises covering their bodies. Griffin held a gun steady at Emilia’s head. 

“You don’t want to do that, Griffin,” Alyssa spoke firmly, aiming her weapon towards him. The man flicked his eyes towards Alyssa. He had to almost be in his 30s by now. She didn’t know how to describe his change in behavior when he recognized the agent pointing a gun at him. Anger, maybe, fear. Some of both, boiling in his hell bent, exhausted eyes. 

“You  _ bitch _ !” he screamed, his arms wavering. Emi let out a small whimper.

“Let the girls go,” Hotch bargained from across the barn. “They don’t have anything against you.” 

“Then why’d they get me arrested?” 

“You got yourself arrested,” Emily added. 

“Why would you want to hurt them, Griffin?” continued Alyssa. “If I was the one who called the police?” 

He froze, eye flickering towards the young agent. “No-” 

“Yes.” His arm moved, aiming the gun away from the girls. “I wouldn’t shoot.” 

“And why’s that? I could kill you.” 

“You currently have 7 trained FBI agents aiming guns at your head. If you move in the wrong way, you will bleed out on the floor of this barn.” 

“Yeah, but you’d die, too.” 

“I have a vest.” 

“I’d hit your head.” 

“You’d miss-” The bickering argument was cut off. In the moments Jacob had let his guard down, Morgan succeeded in ramming into from behind, sending the weapon flying from his hands. Alyssa let out a large sigh, holstering her weapon before running towards the girls. Her shaking hands fumbled with the ropes. 

Emily brushed her away. “I’ve got it.” 

“Are you two okay?” Alyssa questioned, receiving two teary nods. “We’ve got paramedics coming.” 

“Is Piper really dead?” Alyssa looked up to meet Emi’s wide eyes. 

“What- no!” She looked towards Griffin. “So  _ that’s  _ why he let her go.” 

“Leverage,” reasoned Emily, tossing the ropes to the side. Lily stumbled on her feet, regaining her balance as JJ grabbed her gently. Alyssa tried to block out Griffin’s vulgarity as Morgan struggled to drag him out of the barn. She let out a heavy breath when the air fell silent again. 

“You okay?” Emily asked. Alyssa watched Emi walk hand in hand with Lily, crying gently on her shoulder. 

“Yeah.” 

JJ holstered her gun, approaching the female agents. “You know I was surprised that the media didn’t really get involved in this case.” 

Alyssa shrugged. “There’s always so much going on around here they’ve got to pick what to write up on. I guess they chose the vandalism  _ again _ .” 

“Lot a crime in this area?” 

“Mostly high schoolers.” 

“Hey,” JJ said. “Did you want to see your parents while you were in town?” 

Emily turned to look between JJ and Alyssa. She saw the momentarily flash of fear. “Yeah, no,” scoffed the younger. “I’m good.” 

“Guys!” called Reid from the other end of the barn. “We’re heading back to the station to pack up.” 

Alyssa took that as a cue to escape the conversation about her parents. 

“I knew they were sometimes a little rude to her,” mumbled JJ. “But I didn’t think it was  _ that _ bad.” 

“Trust me,” groaned Emily. “If my mother were in town, I would do everything in my power to avoid her.” 

JJ shot a glance at the brunette, curious about what went down between Emily and her mother. Emily, however, was not inclined to discuss that, either, and followed Alyssa from the barn. 

Outside, Lily and Emi were talking softly with Alyssa, while paramedics attempted to drag the two girls away. Alyssa hugged them awkwardly before backing up, allowing them to be swarmed by the eager medics.. 

“Can you tell Piper we’re okay?” Lily asked, craning her neck from the ambulance as the emergency workers began to lift her up. 

“Of course,” Alyssa nodded. “I’m heading back to the station.” 

“Good,” Reid mumbled. “Because I’m hungry.”

Alyss shot him a sideways glance, crossing her arms over her chest. “Two girls almost died and you’re thinking about food?” 

He shrugged. “I’m always hungry.” 

“Let’s get going,” interrupted Rossi. “Before Bennett and Reid start World War III.” 

“Technically,” started Reid. “You can’t have a world war without-” 

Alyssa smacked his arm. “Shut up.” 

“You shut up!” 

. . .

The ride to the station was short, but Alyssa wished that it had been infinitely longer when she saw two familiar figures standing outside the police station. 

“Oh, you have got to be kidding,” she groaned from the back seat, slouching as far down as she could. 

Emily pulled the car into a parking spot. “Good luck.” 

“Don’t leave me,” complained Alyssa, frantically glancing between the agents in the car and her parents waiting on the sidewalk. “How did they even know I was here?” 

JJ shrugged, opening the passenger door. “If you need an escape route, I’ll come get you, say the plane is leaving or something.” 

Alyssa sighed gratefully. “Thank you.” 

“No problem.” The blonde hopped onto her feet, leaving Alyssa alone in the back of the SUV. 

“This is not going to be good,” she mumbled, exiting the car. Her parents immediately laid eyes on the new agent. 

“Aly!” her dad greeted, almost angrily. “You come to town and don’t even tell us you’re here?” 

“Sorry, dad. We had a case and it was kind of important.” 

“The neighbors told us,” he said. “But you don’t get to be an adult and just avoid us now that you’re out of Illinois.” 

Alyssa crossed her arms over her chest. “I mean, I could if I wanted to.” 

“Don’t use that tone,” her mother warned. 

“What-”

“Alyssa, it’s been 8 months and this is how you’re treating us?” 

Alyssa bit her lip. 8 months and they hadn’t changed one bit. They were still hypocritical, angry, blaming her for everything. “It was a long 8 months,” attempted Alyssa. 

“Why don’t you come over for dinner?” her mother suggested, plastering a false smile on her face. “Wouldn’t that be nice?” 

“It would, but I have a plane to catch.” 

“Excuses,” she scoffed. “Invite one of your agent friends.” 

“I barely know them,” attempted Alyssa. “I was just assigned to the case because I know the area well. How’s Nate doing?” 

“Enjoying college,” her father reasoned. “Don’t you talk to him?” 

“Some.” 

“We came out here to see you, Alyssa,” her mother interrupted. “I want you home so we can discuss some things.” 

“What things?” 

“Oh, just about DC, you know, your job, where you’re living. I want to know what’s going on with you.” 

“That’s my business, isn’t it?” 

“Stop being so private all the time.” 

“Mom,” complained the agent, feeling her ability to stay calm wearing down. “You know what!” she snapped. “Maybe I wouldn’t feel the need to be so private if you hadn’t always gone through my stuff when I was younger.” 

“Those were dire circumstances, Alyssa! Imagine if I hadn’t read your journals, we would have never found about-” 

“Kathryn,” warned her father. “Alyssa, she is right. We needed to know those things and you weren’t going to tell us. We got you better, didn’t we?” 

“I was  _ fine _ ,” she snapped. The agent looked inside. She could feel the presence of eyes lingering on her conversation. 

“You were not,” argued her mother. 

“I’m not doing this.” Alyssa spun on her heels, quickly walking back inside. She was not going to deal with her parents bullshit. They had no right to read through her private stuff. They would have never found out if they hadn’t read every notebook of every personal thought, some of them she wasn’t even comfortable rereading herself. She jumped when the heavy glass door made a loud bang behind her, earning a few odd glances from the members of the BAU. 

“Alyssa,” started JJ. “Is everything alright?” 

Alyssa let out a sound somewhere between a strangled laugh and sigh. “Does everything look alright?” She realized the anger in her words a moment too late. “I’m sorry,” she immediately whispered, clenching her fists at her side. Her parents were still lingering outside. Morgan and Reid turned away from Alyssa, as if giving JJ and Emily a moment to address her outburst. Hotch was nowhere to be found, thank god. Alyssa swallowed heavily. That feeling in her chest that she hadn’t felt in so long was returning. A boiling sense of rage and worry mixed with emptiness that created a storm of waves and churning waters threatening to pull her under. 

She felt dizzy, hot, cold, just about everything you could feel in 5 seconds. Her clammy hands grabbed at the smooth walls. 

Alyssa’s green eyes flicked between the two women, and then towards the other agents of the team. God, why was she letting them see her like this? 

“I- I’m going to take a walk.” Alyssa’s heavy legs took her towards the door. She didn’t even glance at her parents as she stormed off down the sidewalk. Too many memories were flooding back into her head. Rushing thoughts of everything she’d attempted to leave behind.  _ Go away _ she thought.  _ Just leave me alone. _

. . .

“Should we…” trailed off Emily, watching the young agent trailed her way down the sidewalk. “I’m going after her.” 

“No,” JJ caught the brunette’s arm. “Let me. I’ve seen her like this before. I know how to deal with it.” 

Emily sighed. “Okay-”

“Em, did something happen when you went back to her house?” She figured something must’ve brought up an unwelcome conversation, judging by the mood both women had been in upon their return. 

The brunette shrugged. “No, not really,” she lied, offering a small smile. “I think she was just a little overwhelmed, that’s all.” 

“Mmhmm,” JJ mumbled, unconvinced. She knew it was none of her business, but she couldn’t help the fact that she wanted to make sure everyone was okay. She glanced back at Emily before heading out the door. 

She rounded the corner and found Alyssa leaning against the wall, staring empitly at the sky. “Hey,” she mumbled. “You want to talk?” 

“No.” 

“Okay.” JJ put her hand on the brick wall, resting against it. She watched the younger agent. Her face was concentrated, as if it were difficult to keep track of where the clouds were going. She leaned forward, putting her hands on her knees, like she was out of breath or something. JJ didn’t want to ask if she was okay, she knew something was going on, but the way Alyssa had begun breathing heavily was no sign of comfort. JJ set her hand gently on the younger woman’s shoulder. “Lyssa, you okay?” 

She let out a heavy breath. “Kind of dizzy.” JJ held her elbow as she sank to the ground, dropping her head in between her knees. The blonde softly rubbed her back. 

“Take some deep breaths, calm down.” Places and locations with bad memories held a power all of their own. Griffin, her parents, she knew those were bringing flooding thoughts back to Alyssa. “You’re okay,” assured JJ.

“I can’t talk to my parents,” gasped Alyssa. “I can’t-” 

“That’s okay, really, we’ll get you straight into the car, or something.” 

Alyssa leaned onto the wall. “I’m so sorry,” she mumbled. “This is pathetic. I’m supposed to be a federal agent and I just had a mental breakdown on my first case in the field.” 

“A case that dealt with your own trauma.” 

“Yeah,” she breathed. “Thank you, though, for being there.” 

JJ nodded. “Any time. I know what crappy parents are like.” Alyssa let out a breath that sounded something like a strangled laugh. 

“I just want to go home and get some sleep,” she decided, pulling herself up against the wall. “And get away from this place.” 

“Alright.” JJ began walking, but quickly noticed Alyssa hadn’t followed her. She turned around and the agent motioned in the other direction. 

“I’m gonna go in the back.” 

“Oh- right.” 

. . .

Alyssa took the seat furthest in the corner once she got onto the plane. The agents were shooting her odd looks that she was trying to ignore. She stiffened when Hotch rose from his seat, moving to sit across from her. 

“How are you doing?” he asked. 

“I’m alright,” she admitted. “Being in the field is a whole other experience, seeing as my work so far has been limited to a conference room and desk.” 

“I know this was a difficult case,” he determined. “As you were quite involved in it. I promise not everyone is like that.” 

“So I’ve heard.” 

“I just wanted to thank you for helping us out. You did exceptionally well.” 

Alyssa raised her eyebrows. “Thank you, sir.” 

“You were recruited to the crimes against children division, is that correct?” 

“Yes,” Alyssa replied with uncertainty. “Although it currently appears I have more work hours in the field in this division than in my own.” 

“I was hoping we could keep it that way.” 

“What-” 

“If it is alright with you, I’ve approved of your transfer to the BAU. Even with personal connections, your profiling skills are exceptional. Generally, our team is made up of 7 members, but with another mind we could get cases done faster.” 

Alyssa blinked. “I really don’t know what to say-”

“Do you need some time to think about it?” The youngest agent glanced across the plane to find 5 pairs of eyes trained on her. “I already told them. They said they’d be happy to have you on the team.” 

She smiled briefly. “That would be great.” 

“I assume JJ has already told you everything you need to know about us.” 

Alyssa let out a small laugh. “That is correct, sir.” 

“Then we’ll see you tomorrow morning at 8.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to develop Alyssa's background and I did my best to write about her childhood abuse and trauma, but I don't have firsthand experience with both of those (one I do, but it didn't seem to be very helpful when writing this). I'm working on chapters 5 and 6, which with deal with another case. There's a slight time jump, although it only moves towards the middle of season 3, when Rossi is present. Also I apologize in advance for weird formatting. I just copy and paste and it gets a little messed up. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!


	5. Lights Out

**“Many people are afraid of the dark, but the real tragedy is those who are afraid of the light.”**

\- Plato 

_ Set around the end of season 3 or the beginning of season 4 _

“You have got to be kidding me,” Alyssa grumbled as she rolled over in bed to glare at her phone. It was 6 in the freaking morning. 

“What’s going on?” 

Alyssa twisted in the cool bed sheet so she was looking at Maggie. “I have another case.”

“Where at?” Maggie sat up, trying to comb down her frizzy dark hair. 

“I don’t know. I’m checking.” She paused, opening the message from Hotch, and the one from JJ. “Oh.” 

“What?” asked Maggie, brushing a strand of hair from Alyssa’s face. “What’s wrong?” 

“That was a little too much blood for this early in the morning,” Alyssa sighed. “Alright, I’ve got to head in to see what’s going on. I might be gone for a few days.” 

“Again?” complained Maggi, making a stilling pouting face. 

Alyssa rolled her eyes as she shed her pajamas. “Mags, you have a business trip anyway. You’ll be gone too.” 

Maggie groaned as she threw off the blanket “You know my schedule better than I do. I don’t want to go.” 

Alyssa laughed, pulling on some of her work clothes. “I know a lot of things.” 

. . .

The youngest agent heaved her bag onto her shoulder as she shoved open the doors to the bullpen. She let out a small yawn. Morgan nudged her from behind. 

“Late night, Bennett?” 

“Don’t even,” she warned, entering the conference room and plopping down in one of the chairs. Reid glanced over at her with a confused look that so rarely crossed his face. 

“How do you  _ not  _ like coffee?” 

“I can function without it.” Alyssa shrugged. “And I never really got into it.” 

“Did you know-” 

“I know people who drink coffee live longer,” she interrupted. “And I really don’t care.” 

“I hate you,” Reid joked, taking a sip of his coffee. 

“Mmhmm.” The younger agent shifted to retrieve her buzzing phone from her pocket. She glanced at the notification that had popped up on the lockscreen and immediately shoved the device away. Morgan eyed her suspiciously. 

“Bennett, what turned you into a tomato?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Alright guys.” JJ walked in, dropping a few folders on the table. “We’ve got to get started, this one’s pretty bad.” 

“Yeah I got that much from the 6 am graphic photo shoot,” complained Aly. 

“This is Riley Walters.” JJ motioned to the image of a blonde woman on the screen. “21 years old, local college student. She went missing two days ago and was found last night with 18 stab wounds to her chest and torso.” 

“Somebody got angry,” muttered Rossi. 

“And this,” continued the blonde liaison, “is Elaine Olson. She was a 20 year old prostitute who was never reported missing but was found with 14 stab wounds. She was dumped in a similar area. The ME confirmed that the same unique weapon was used to kill both victims, who displayed ligature marks on their arms and ankles.” 

“So the unsub holds them captive,” Morgan concluded. “He wanted to spend time with them.” 

“It gets better,” JJ mumbled offhandedly. “19 year old Melissa Turner was reported missing by her boyfriend.” 

“Somebody seems to like young women,” commented Emily. “Did Melissa lead a high risk lifestyle?” 

JJ shook her head. “No. She attended the same college as Riley.” 

“We know how these cases work,” interjected Hotch, standing from his chair. “The longer we take, the more likely it is that Melissa will die. Wheels up in 20.” 

“The only connection between them seems to be the fact that they’re young women in the relatively same area,” said Reid.

Emily nodded. “Do you think they were victims of opportunity?” 

“It’s likely.” Alyssa closed her case file, shoving it into the pocket on her go bag. She glanced back up to meet the team’s lingering eyes. “He saw someone who fit his type and then just… took them.” 

“Could he have pulled a sex rouse?” wondered Morgan. “Lured them away?” 

“I don’t think so,” replied JJ, pulling her bag up from the floor. “Riley had a girlfriend.” 

“Taken and gay,” mumbled Emily. “That’s a double no to the sex rouse.” 

Alyssa let out a breath of air somewhere between a laugh and an agreement. As the others began to clear from the room, she glanced back down at her phone. The words  _ call me _ had popped up above the previous mentioned that the young agent did not feel inclined to respond to. She sighed, dialing Maggie’s number. 

“What? I’m at work.” JJ eyed Alyssa as she talked quietly on the phone. “Yeah, okay. Just come back over after then. Alright? Bye.” She shoved her phone into her pocket. 

“Everything okay?” JJ asked. 

“What? Oh, yeah. We should probably get going.” 

“Mmhmm,” whispered JJ. “We should.” 

. . .

“Alright,” started Hotch. “When we get there, JJ and Reid head to the station and start a geographic profile. Alyssa and Emily, talk to the victims’ families. Local PD had them meeting you by the station. The rest of us can head to the crime scene and ME.” 

“What do you think we’re dealing with here?” wondered Emily outloud. “There’s no clear motive… nothing.” 

“We’ve got an unsub with a type, that’s all,” grumbled Rossi. 

Reid shrugged. “Most of the time when there’s no clear motive, it’s just an organized sociopath looking to incite fear. Even sociopaths have types.” 

“The MO is consistent and he showed no hesitation,” pointed out Alyssa. “Either he’s experienced or  _ really _ confident.” 

“I got a preliminary report from the ME,” reported JJ. “Some of the stab wounds were a few hours old. There was also evidence of torture.” 

“And we’ve got a sadist on our hands,” sighed Morgan. “This is gonna be a fun one.” 

. . .

“Did you get anything from the families?” Emily asked, emerging from one of the smaller conference rooms. 

Alyssa shook her head. “Nothing. They hadn’t contacted Riley for a while, said she kind of fell off the radar.” 

“Does her girlfriend know anything?” 

“She was crying,” said Alyssa. “All she managed to tell me was that Riley left her dorm in a good mood and then didn’t show up the next morning when they usually meet to get coffee.” 

“If she stuck to a schedule our unsub could have stalked her,” JJ suggested from across the room. 

“Elaine didn’t have a schedule,” objected Emily. “She just went with whoever, whenever.” 

“Have we got any more information on the missing girl?” Alyssa asked. 

JJ shrugged. “The police are out looking for her. It’s like she disappeared off the face of the earth. We don’t even know where she was taken from.” 

“I don’t think that matters.” The four agents looked towards Hotch. 

“Oh no-” started Emily. 

“They found her body down by the river,” he explained. “It looked quick, bloody. He didn’t spend as much time with her.” 

“If there’s a fantasy he’s trying to play out,” Reid began. “And she didn’t play along he probably just killed her.” 

“Meaning he’s already looking for his next victim,” Rossi concluded. 

“What do we do?” asked JJ. “I could put some sort of warning out to the media. Tell girls not to walk anywhere alone.” 

“Yeah, JJ, that sounds good,” Hotch answered, turning to Reid. “What have we got with the geographic profile?” 

“Not much,” the younger agent replied. “He’s pretty scattered. The comfort zone is rather large.” 

. . .

3 hours later, little progress had been made. The unsub was too organized to leave evidence behind, and even the best profilers couldn’t get anywhere with  _ nothing.  _

“I’m starving,” Emily grumbled, leaning back in her chair. 

“Me too,” Alyssa agreed. 

Hotch sighed, looking up from some crime scene photos. “Go get some food. We can’t do much if we don’t know what the unsub is going to do next.” 

Emily stood, grabbing a set of keys. “Let’s go.” 

Alyssa followed her from the station, quickly responding to another of Maggie’s nonstop messages. 

“You good?” Emily asked, climbing into the driver’s side of the one of the cars they were borrowing. 

“What- yeah.” 

“You’ve just been a little distracted.”

“Have I?” Alyssa asked coldly. 

“I’ve never seen you check your phone so much. Family member, friend, or  _ more  _ than a friend?” 

Alyssa looked at Emily, wide-eyed. “Emily!” 

Emily put one hand up in surrender, keeping the other secured on the wheel. “Hey, I just want to know what's going on!” 

“Well, don’t profile me, just ask.” 

“I did,” complained Emily. “And you didn’t say anything.” 

“Fine! To answer your question: friend.” 

“Really?” pressed Emily. “Because the past two times you’ve checked your phone, you’ve turned a shade of red I didn’t think possible.” 

Alyssa’s mouth dropped open, unsure of what to say. “Just a friend,” she repeated. 

“Mmhmm.” Emily rolled her eyes as she pulled the car into the parking lot of one of the local sandwich places. 

“Okay, look.” Alyssa crossed her arms, knowing it was no use fighting, or lying. She might as well give a twisted version of what was going on. “The two of us had a thing in college, alright? And they stayed over last night, that’s all.” 

Emily raised her eyebrows. “Oh?” 

“Can we get food now?” 

“Are you going to tell me who this mystery college friend is?” 

“Um, no.” 

Emily let out a small laugh. “Okay, whatever, I guess. Just remember, I can always go to Garcia-” 

“Don’t you dare!” 

“Okay, okay.”

After Emily had gotten Alyssa a sandwich as an apology for pressing on her personal life, the two were both a little more relaxed. 

“I forgot how horrible it was to work on an empty stomach.” 

“Agreed,” mumbled Emily. “Do you ever find it weird that we just eat food while studying dead bodies.” 

“When you put it that way, yeah.” 

“I think we should head back,” Emily decided. “The others didn’t want any food.” 

The rest of the night moved horrendously slowly. Hotch suggested that everyone get some sleep, but of course, they all refused. With the small cooling off period this unsub was displaying, they couldn’t waste any time. It was only going to be so long before another girl was abducted, and they had no clue who they were looking for or how to find him. 

. . .

_ He’s dead. He’s dead. He’s dead. There was nothing she could have done to save him. She was too late. Too late. Too late. There was blood everywhere. So much blood. Too much blood. Blood. Blood. Lights, sirens. It was too bright, too loud. Too much noise. Too much light. Make it go away. Go away. Go away.  _

. . .

It was nearing midnight when a sound besides monotonous voices discussing what had already been discussed rang through the conference room. JJ sighed, grabbing her phone from the table. 

“I’ve got to take this.” 

“Please don’t be another one,” Morgan grumbled quietly. 

“That’s the only way we’re going to get anything else,” argued Emily. “I mean, look at these crime scenes.” 

“What crime scenes?” Reid asked. 

Emily crossed her arms. “Exactly.” 

“We don’t even know where they were abducted from. Most of them have gaps in their daily timelines. They disappeared and then showed up dead.”

“What we do know,” interrupted Rossi, “is that somebody really doesn’t like women. He displays a huge amount of anger towards them.” 

“Could these victims be surrogates for someone else?” Emily questioned. 

“I don’t think so,” said Alyssa. “Otherwise there would be some similarity in the victim type. College students, prostitutes, blonde, brunette. The only crossover is that they’re all white.” 

“Yeah,” agreed Emily. “It’s likely they were just victims of opportunity. But we already knew that.” 

“We also know he has a secondary location where he holds and tortures them,” added Morgan. 

6 sets of eyes flicked towards JJ as she returned, shoving her phone into her pocket. “We’ve got another one.” 

“Another one?” echoed Reid, looking up from the files strewn across the table. 

“Except this time he didn’t abduct her.” 

Emily scoffed. “That’s a big change in MO. What happened?” 

“I don’t know,” JJ shrugged. “It was by the bus stop. She was waiting to get picked up by her friend, judging by the messages on her phone. Some girl found her stabbed all over.” 

“Were there any witnesses?” Emily asked. 

Reid glared at her. “It was midnight.” 

“Well,” the brunette countered. “The girl could have seen something.” 

“The police weren’t really sure,” explained JJ. “They found her just staring at the body, she wouldn’t say anything. They’re bringing her in.” 

“Alright,” Hotch said. “Rossi, Morgan, you’re coming with me to check out the body and crime scene, you three,” he motioned at Emily, Reid, and Alyssa. “See if the girl saw anything. And JJ, get a hold of the family of the victim and the witness.” 

“On it, sir.” 

“What’s her name?” Emily asked, before JJ stepped out of the room. 

“Taylor Hadley. She’s 16.” 

“16,” repeated Alyssa. “What was a 16 year old doing out this late, alone?” 

“I don’t know,” Emily said. “So they just found her staring at the body, not moving or anything?” 

“I guess so.” Reid shrugged, standing up to study the geographic profile. “Seeing something like that can trigger a huge psychological response. You know, flight or fight… or I guess fright. She just froze up.” 

“This whole thing doesn’t make any sense,” complained Emily. “He could have abducted her so easily.” 

“Not if there was a witness,” countered Alyssa. 

“Underconfident,” Reid answered. “He saw someone else and didn’t think he could do it.” 

“Yet he manages to lure three others away?” Emily questioned. 

“It makes sense,” reasoned the youngest agent. “Maybe he’s confident in his ability to talk someone into something, but doesn’t think that he can control them.” 

“Except with Riley,” added Reid. “She wouldn’t have gone with.” 

“We don’t know that for sure. We just need to talk to Taylor,” said Emily. 

“Let’s go talk to her.” Reid motioned towards the doors of the station. Two cops were accompanying a younger girl into an interrogation room. Her hands were clasped in front of her chest, eyes fixated on the floor. 

“Well, she looks anxious,” scoffed Emily, standing from the chair she’d been sitting in. 

Alyssa rolled her eyes. “Clearly. Wouldn’t you be?” 

“I guess so. Shall we?” she motioned towards the door. 

“I’ll stay out here,” volunteered Reid. “See if we can find anything about Taylor or the victim.” 

Emily pushed open the door to the interrogation room, and Alyssa followed closely behind her. “Hi, Taylor,” Emily greeted, taking a seat in front of her. “My name is Emily and this is Alyssa. We’re with the FBI. Can we ask you a few questions about what happened?” 

Taylor nodded stiffly, not even looking up at the two agents in the room. Her hands were clenched on top of the table, squeezing her bony fingers together. 

Emily reached her hand out, laying it gently on top of Taylor’s. “Sweetie, you’re going to have to talk to us. It’s okay.” 

The girl jumped, yanking her hands back and holding them close to her chest. Emily turned to look at Alyssa, confused. Alyssa shrugged, mouthing, “I’ll be right back.” She slipped from the room, walking quickly towards Reid. 

He didn’t even look away from the board. “Over there,” he motioned. “Is everything okay?” 

“I think she’s in shock.” 

Reid glanced towards her. “She could have an anxiety disorder.” 

“That’s what I was thinking, which is why we’re going to need to take a different approach to this.” Alyssa bent down, pulling the half emptied water bottle from the side of Taylor’s backpack. “I’m going to try talking to her,” Alyssa decided, pushing past Reid and quietly re-entering the room. She tapped Emily’s shoulder gently. “Let me.” 

Emily nodded, moving towards the door to give Alyssa some space. The youngest agent slowly moved next to Taylor. “Hey, my name is Alyssa. Can you hear me?” 

Taylor fearfully looked up at her and nodded stiffly. It was obvious she was in shock, but when it came to people with anxiety, traumatic experiences went to a whole new level. 

“Turn the lights off, Emily.” 

“What?” 

“Turn the lights off.” 

The brunette agent stood, flicking off the bright fluorescent lights. “That’s better, isn’t it?” Alyssa asked softly. Taylor nodded. “Do you remember what happened?” 

Another nod. 

“Can you tell me why you were out so late at night?” 

“Walking,” Taylor mumbled, slowly clenching and unclenching her fists. “I was walking.” 

“Do you like to walk?” Alyssa asked gently, pulling the chair Emily had been sitting in closer to the table. 

“Yes. I like to walk alone.” 

“At night?” 

“Sometimes.” 

“So you were walking at night,” repeated Alyssa. “Did you see any people?” 

“Three,” confirmed Taylor. Alyssa glanced back at Emily. She stood against the wall, arms crossed, watching the agent speak to the younger girl. She nodded in approval and Alyssa continued. 

“Can you tell me who?” 

“A homeless man, the girl by the bus stop, and the man with a knife.” 

“Tell me about the girl by the bus stop,” instructed Alyssa. “Do you remember a lot?” 

Taylor nodded, her eyes focusing on seemingly nothing, flicking between the now darkened lights, the metal table, and her twitching hands. 

“She was standing by the bus stop. She kept checking her phone and then looking around.” 

“Did she look nervous?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Describe to me what she was doing, how she was moving.” 

“She was rocking a little bit,” Taylor mumbled. “But I do that all the time, even when I’m not nervous.” 

“A lot of people do that when they are nervous,” Emily added from behind Alyssa. “They also might play with their hair or hands, was she doing that?” 

Taylor shrugged. “I looked down after seeing her, then I heard a noise, talking, I think. She was talking to a man.” 

“What did the man look like?” 

“He was in a car. I don’t know.” 

“What was next?” pressed Alyssa. 

“He got out of the car. I heard loud voices,” explained Taylor. “Someone said ‘no,’ so I looked up and he had a knife. I think I said something, or made a noise because he saw me. And then he started…” she paused, a glazed look coming over her eyes. “Stabbing and stabbing and-” 

“Okay,” interrupted Alyssa, still hesitant to provide any physical comfort. “It’s fine, you did good.” 

“And I didn’t move,” whispered Taylor, almost inaudibly. “I just watched. And then he left. He smiled at me. He left her there, on the sidewalk, I checked her pulse and then called 911, I think, I don’t know, I can’t remember.” 

“Should we do a cognitive interview?” Emily asked Alyssa. Taylor looked at the two agents. 

“I won’t remember anyway,” she said. “I don’t see anything when I close my eyes.” 

“Aphantasia, probably,” decided Alyssa. 

“You know what a cognitive interview is?” Emily asked, ignoring the other agent’s statement. 

Taylor shrugged. “I read some books.” 

Alyssa leaned forward, trying to read Taylor’ face, but all emotion had left her. She appeared blank, unreadable. “Is there  _ anything _ else you can tell us?” 

“No.” 

“Did you know the man?” 

“No.” 

“Did you know the girl?” 

“No! No.” 

Alyssa motioned her head towards the door, Emily read the message clearly as she made her way from the room. “Taylor,” Alyssa whispered. “I was attacked by a serial killer once, you know, back in 2005.” 

“Why are you telling me this?” 

“Because I remember thinking the FBI was stupid. I remember wanting them to go away. And I knew a lot more than I told them. We’re dealing with a killer who has killed four girls, and we need your help to catch him.” 

“I don’t know anything.” Taylor crossed her arms, leaning back in the chair. 

“Taylor, why were you out so late?” Alyssa watched as the younger girl retracted into herself, making any and all attempted to avoid eye contact with the agent before her. “You are a minor. You could’ve been in serious danger. Do you want me to call your parents?” 

Taylor squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, rapidly shaking her head. 

“Ah, I see.” Alyssa nodded. “That’s how it was for me too.” 

The girl in front of the agent let out a strangled laugh. “Oh, yeah?” 

“Yeah,” confirmed Alyssa. “Trust me, it got pretty heated in our household. I almost got myself into all sorts of trouble trying to avoid my parents. I haven’t talked to them in a while.” 

“Do you regret it?” 

“What?” 

“Do you regret not talking to them, breaking all ties?” Taylor asked, suddenly engaged in the conversation. 

Alyssa sighed. “Sometimes I miss them and I know I should  _ want _ them to be a part of my life, but then I remember how horrible they were and I know it’s for the better that I stay away. You’re 16, right?” 

“Yes.” 

“In two years, you’re going to be a legal adult. You’re going to go to college, and if they’re helping you pay, hold out for a few more years,” joked Aly. “And then stay the hell away.” 

“Okay.” 

“Taylor?” 

“What?” 

“Is it bad enough that you need us to write a report?”

Taylor searched Alyssa’s eyes for a moment, looking for any sort of dishonesty, or attempt to get her to tell the truth by providing comfort. “No,” she finally decided. “It’s not like that. It’s just not good, if you know what I mean.” 

Alyssa nodded. “I do.” 

“I do too,” Emily added, from where she’d been standing in the corner, watching Alyssa pry into Taylor’s life, as a last resort to fish out information about the unsub. 

“So you all have parent-problems?” scoffed Taylor. 

“I mean, maybe that’s what got us into the FBI,” Emily commented off-handedly. “We wanted to show them that we could actually do something with our lives.” 

Alyssa met the brunette agent’s eyes briefly, reading some sort of hurt beneath the surface that she usually kept so well rounded and impossible to read. 

“I think he was young.” 

The two agents turned back towards Taylor. “Why is that?” pressed Alyssa softly. 

“I saw him, but I didn’t get a very good look. The way he moved, he just seemed young, and he approached… her easily and she didn’t look too worried.” 

“So either she knew him, or didn’t feel threatened,” Emily figured. 

“That helps a lot, Taylor. Thank you.” 

“Sure.” 

“I’m going to go talk to Reid,” Emily said. “And see if he has any other leads. Take your time in here.” 

Alyssa waited until the door had closed before she sat back in her chair, arms crossed. “Taylor, we’re going to have to tell your parents.” 

It hurt Alyssa to see the amount of panic that crossed through her eyes. “You aren’t in any trouble, you did nothing wrong,” assured the agent. “I will do everything in my power to make sure they don’t turn this against you, okay?” 

“Do you promise?” 

“Of course.” Alyssa smiled in the dimly lit room. The absence of light reminded her why she had turned it off in the first place. “Taylor, I don’t want to press, but do you have some sort of anxiety disorder?” 

“Huh?” 

“You were really sensitive to the lights when you first came in here, and when Emily touched you, you jumped. It’s just something I noticed.” 

“And why do you care?” snapped Taylor. 

Alyssa shrugged. “I had my fair share of anxiety back in high school thanks to my parents, and I’m just telling you, everything seemed to get better once they were gone.” 

“Great,” Taylor groaned. “I’ve got two more years of jumping at bright lights and loud noises. They love to make it worse.” 

“I know, honey,” Alyssa agreed. “I practically lived in the library for the last two years I was at home.” 

Taylor cracked a smile, standing from her chair as Alyssa did. “Can someone take me home? I don’t really want to wake my parents up and have them drive here.” 

“Sure. I’ll talk to one other agent on the team. I have to stay here to work on the case, but she can take you home.” 

Taylor looked uncertain. 

“Oh, come on, she’s nicer than me.” 

“You were nice?” the girl joked. 

“I tried to be,” shot back the young agent. “Come on. We have some food if you need it, and then we’ll get you home. You have school tomorrow, don’t you?” 

“Unfortunately so.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m currently working on chapter 6 meaning the next update might not be for a few days. School and cross country start up this week so I’m going to have less time to write. I am also working on a novel that isn’t fanfic so I need to have time for that as well. Thanks in advance for being patient!! (I know this chapter was boring, it’s a filler before we add to Alyssa’s trauma)


	6. The Truth Inside

**“All heroes are broken beyond repair, all villains are heroes who chose truth over dare.”**

**\- Unknown**

“Where’d JJ go?” Reid asked, glancing around the conference room. “And have Hotch, Rossi, and Morgan come back yet?” 

“She’s taking Taylor home,” replied Alyssa, rejoining the rest of the team. “And, no, JJ said they headed over to the ME to get the full reports on the victim.” 

Emily crossed her arms. “Alright, Lyssa, we were talking about how the unsub being younger changed things.” 

“What’d you come up with?”

“Well,” started Reid. “We figured he was either experienced or very confident, but seeing as he’s young, it suggests that he has a lot of self-confidence.”

“Which points towards narcissistic traits,” added the other female agent. “However, the way he ran when he saw Taylor might just mean he’s a classic sociopath that doesn’t care about humans.” 

“Why would he be torturing them?” asked Alyssa. 

“Psychopathic exploration,” muttered Reid. “He’s figuring out what he likes.” 

“Then he’s got no motive, which is going to make him harder to track.” Alyssa sat back down in a chair. “He’s killing because he wants to.”

“But something made him act on those urges. That stressor is going to lead us to him.” 

“We need to review victimology.” Alyssa reached towards the phone, tapping a few buttons. 

“Ah, my beautiful crime killing unicorns,” echoed Garcia’s voice. Alyssa rolled her eyes. “What can I do for you lovelies today?” 

“Could you tell us about the first victim, Riley Walters?” 

“Hang on…” the three agents listened to the sound of fingers tapping a keyboard. “Riley Walters was a 21 year old senior at the local university. She was studying psychology, overall was a good student, maintaining a GPA of 3.7. She had been seeing a classmate, uh, Nadia Amar for a few months. She’s your normal, studious, college girl. Nothing out of the ordinary.” 

“Can you send us the ME’s report, as well as all interviews that took place, Garcia?” requested Emily. 

“Those are on their way! PG out!” 

“She was the lowest risk you could get,” Alyssa said. “Never out after dark alone, didn’t go to parties. So where was she and what was she doing that got her kidnapped?” 

Reid snapped the cap back on the dry erase marker he was holding, leaning against the wall with a frustrated sigh. “That is what we’ve got to find out.” 

. . .

It was a long 36 hours of pouring over medical reports, victim reports, interviews, reviewing the profile, starting from scratch, and still not getting any further than before. 

“I hate to say it,” started Rossi. “But we’re not going to get anywhere without another victim.” 

The agents glanced over at the eldest member of the team. 

“He’s right,” admitted Hotch. “We have no way to predict what move this unsub is going to make. Our best hope to wait for another kidnapping and hope she can hold out for the full 48 hours.” 

Emily let out a small sigh. “What if he goes dormant?” 

“I’m not letting this case go cold,” stated Morgan. “We’re going to catch this son of a bitch before he kills anyone else.” 

“We should have Garcia check surrounding cities,” suggested Reid quietly. “Before, he was moving rather quickly, in desperate need of a new surrogate. It’s unlikely he just stopped.” 

Alyssa glanced up when they were joined by the seventh agent of their team. “He didn’t,” reported JJ. “I just got alerted of a missing persons report that was filed 2 hours ago. Haley Winters, 18. Her roommate said she never came home after heading out to get coffee this morning.” 

“It’s 9,” Alyssa added. “When did she go out?” 

“About 6:30.” 

“Get Garcia to track her phone and see if it’s still on,” Hotch demanded. “Prentiss, Morgan, go talk to the roommate. Bennett and Reid, I want you two canvassing the area where she could have been taken from.” 

“On it, sir,” replied Alyssa. She glanced over at Reid, who picked up the keys. 

“Uh, no,” deadpanned the younger agent. “I’m driving.” She snatched the keys from Reid and headed towards the door. “You’d end up driving us into a ditch.”

“We’re in the middle of an urbanized city. There’s no ditches to drive in to. It’s more likely I’d hit a wall.” 

Alyssa laughed as she climbed into the car. “I rest my case.” 

. . .

“Alright, so Haley’s phone last pinged from a coffee shop near Cherry Street, and it went dead at 6:39 am. I’ve set up a tracker that will alert me if it turns back on.” 

“Thanks, Garcia,” replied Hotch, pressing a button that silenced the line. “This unsub’s comfort zone is getting larger and larger, which is going to make it hard to pin down anything.” 

Rossi held up his phone. “I’m going to get the location to Reid and Bennett so they know where to look.” 

. . .

“It’s right there.” Reid pointed at a small shop on the corner. Alyssa jerked the wheel, pulling into a parking spot. “And you said  _ I _ was the one who was going to hit something.” 

“I didn’t hit anything!” defended the female agent. “Not yet, at least.” She fished for her badge as she approached the bustling coffee shop, gently pushing past a few people waiting in line. 

“Miss, there’s a line here,” one older man called after her. Reid turned around, flashing his badge for a moment, smirking to himself when the man backed away, slightly taken aback. 

“Excuse me,” Alyssa called, approaching the front counter. 

“What can I do for you?” asked the younger man who was working. 

“Hi, I’m Agent Bennett, and this is Dr. Reid, we’re with the FBI. I was wondering if you saw this girl in here around 6:30 this morning?” She held up a picture of the missing girl. 

“Miss-” 

“Agent.” 

“Agent,” the man corrected. “I get hundreds of people in here every morning. How am I supposed to remember one face?” 

“You’re probably the last person who will ever see her alive if you can’t help us,” Reid said, attempting to sound as threatening as possible, but that was difficult, with both of the agents barely being so young. 

“She’s dead?” he asked, face paling slightly. 

“Not yet,” scoffed Alyssa. “But she was kidnapped this morning. Her name is Haley Winters. Her roommate said she comes here pretty often. You’d recognize a pretty woman that kept coming back, wouldn’t you?” 

“I- I guess so, yeah. Maybe I saw her.” 

“Was she with anyone?” asked Reid. “Another man you didn’t recognize who was talking to her?” 

“I think someone approached her as she was leaving. It’s not uncommon. I’ve seen plenty of guys ask her out, but she says she doesn’t date. Trust me, I’ve asked her too.” 

“Did she walk away with this man?” 

“I’m not sure, sorry… what’s up with you?” the man motioned at Reid, who had a look of confusion plastered across his face. 

“Reid?” 

“Did she get coffee?” he asked. 

“What?”

“Coffee,” he repeated. “Did she get a cup of a coffee?” 

“Yeah,” the man replied hesitantly. “To go, I think. But she definitely got coffee, she never drinks it here.” 

“Alyssa, I think she knew the unsub.” Reid turned to the man. “Uh, thank you, sir, for your help.” 

“Anytime!” he called as the agents rushed from the cafe. 

“Reid, are you sure?” 

“Think about it, Alyssa.”

“I am thinking.” 

“He said that Haley doesn’t date, her roommate confirmed that, right? So, she’s approached by a man and most people assume he’s trying to get her number, but she’s turned down every guy that’s talked to her. So why did she go with him willingly?” 

“We don’t know that she did, Reid.”

“Yes, we do,” he argued. 

“No, we don’t.” 

“Then where’s her coffee cup?” 

Alyssa froze. “She would have dropped it,” she replied slowly. “If she was attacked or taken by surprise.” 

“But she didn’t. It’s not likely she would have walked somewhere with the unsub if they didn’t know each other, so he would’ve tried to take her right away.”

“We need to canvas the area, if there’s a cup anywhere. Maybe he waited to attack her until they were in a private place.” 

“Yeah,” agreed Reid. “He lured her far enough away before taking her.” 

“Split up?” suggested Alyssa.

“Sure.” 

“Call if you find anything. I don’t think we’ll have to look too far, but you go that way, I’ve got this block.” 

“Alright.” Reid nodded. “Also call Hotch, tell him what you found. I need to ask Garcia about something!” 

Alyssa pulled out her phone. “Got it!” 

. . .

“She knew the unsub,” Emily repeated, as Hotch set his phone down gently. “That certainly narrows down our suspect pool.” 

“I’ll get Garcia to go over her contacts,” suggested JJ. “And then you guys can work from there.” 

“Sounds great, Jayje,” replied the brunette agent. 

10 minutes later, there was a staggering list of 62 people. 

“For such a quiet girl, she sure seemed to have a lot of male contacts,” grumbled Emily, scanning over the list of names. 

“I’m guessing they’re just from her classes,” reasoned Rossi. “Boys she worked with on projects. There’s a whole ton of ways to meet people in college.” 

“So how do we narrow this down?” Emily asked.

“Start with the ones that actually live in this town. My bet is some of them are from high school,” said Hotch. “No one deletes contact in their phones, especially not kids these days.” 

“Okay,” Emily called to the phone, set in the middle of the table. “Garcia, take out anyone that doesn’t live within a 20 mile radius of the town. Kids who are from out of state, or go to college elsewhere.” 

“You’ve still got 36, my lovelies.” 

Rossi shrugged. “We’re getting there. Cross out any business or communications majors. This guy cannot work with people. He’s completely antisocial, probably in a science or math related field where his work is up to him.” 

“21 looking better?” Garcia asked peppily. 

“We’re looking for someone who probably had juvenile offenses,” suggested Morgan. “His temper may have been out of control as a minor, but he’s smart enough to keep himself under the radar now.” 

“There are five guys who had some sort of record as a kid. I’ll send them to you.” 

“Check if any of them had morning classes, and if they were actually there,” Emily added. “And then check their phone locations to see if any of the remaining names are in any sort of suspicious location.” 

“All five of them had classes that began at 8 am, however, two did not show up… it looks like one of them is currently in the library, and the other… oh, he’s not as smart as you’d think. Construction sight, abandoned.” 

Morgan stood up immediately. “Babygirl, we need that location sent to our phones. Somebody call Reid and Bennett.” 

“It is sent, sir! Go get ‘em!” 

. . .

Alyssa pulled her phone from her pocket when it started buzzing. “What’s up, Emily?” she asked. 

“We’ve got a location and a name. Hotch, Rossi, Morgan and I are headed there now, you and Reid to get there ASAP. I sent your phone the coordinates.” 

“Alright, thanks, Em!” Alyssa hung up, quickly switching to Reid’s number. 

“I found her coffee-” 

“Reid, we have a location, meet me in the car.” Alyssa took off running, glad she didn’t have to go too far because she was wearing her pair of boots that were not fit for being in the field. 

Reid was waiting for her when she hopped into the driver’s seat. “Tell me where to go,” she demanded, tossing him her phone. 

. . .

“Bennett and Prentiss, I want you to go around back, see if you can get a good angle on him and Haley. Do not shoot unless necessary, understood?” 

“Yessir!” replied the two women unanimously. Emily turned to Alyssa. “Ready?” 

“Let’s go.” Alyssa unclipped her gun from her belt, leveling it in front of her. “He doesn’t kill them right away, right?” 

“He might if we startle him,” mumbled Emily, her boots scuffing the gravel on the ground. Alyssa stuck close behind the more experienced agent as they snuck towards the back of the warehouse. 

Emily pushed open a back door, holding it open for Alyssa, who paused when they heard Hotch shout, “Travis Walker!” 

“Keep going,” Emily encouraged, nudging Alyssa’s shoulder. Generally, the younger agent didn’t go into the field. She and Reid were the last ones to confront an unsub, and only did so if it was completely necessary. The two rounded a corner, the view of the unsub, Travis, coming into view. He was holding a large knife steading at Haley’s knife. Alyssa knew a knife was faster than a bullet, but she doubted her judgement when it came to actually pulling the trigger. That was Emily’s job. She was simply back up. 

“Put the knife down, Travis,” Rossi yelled. “And let Haley go, she didn’t do anything to you.” 

“And I didn’t do anything to the world,” he spat. “Yet it seems to have its vengeance out for me, and the rest of the human race, does it not?” 

A sadistic, nihilistic, serial killer.  _ What a lovely combination _ , thought Alyssa. These were the ones who  _ almost _ managed to negotiate their way out. They had the ability to use words as a second weapon, sometimes doing as much damage with their tongue as they did with their knife. 

“Haley doesn’t deserve this,” Hotch reiterated. “You cannot take your anger out on an innocent teenage girl.” 

“Why not?” Travis asked. “And don’t tell me she’s innocent, she’s not. None of us are innocent. Not me, not her, not you, not the agents that currently have their guns trained at the back of my head.” 

Alyssa almost lowered her gun. She may have been a profiler, but her ability to read people in the field measured absolutely zero. Anytime she was holding a gun, her brain was reeling around the nagging thoughts about the amount of damage she could inflict on the world.  _ Don’t fire _ , she kept repeating,  _ they’ll talk their way out of this _ . That’s what she had said last time, and yet her judgement had been off. She had chosen to not fire, while the unsub had, killing himself and the victim. 

“You see,” Alyssa heard Travis say, his voice gaining a measure of confidence that had not been present when Hotch, Rossi, Reid, and JJ had first confronted him, guns drawn. “I don’t think we’re all that different-” 

“You’re wrong, Travis.” Reid readjusted his shaky grip on his weapon. “You and I are nothing alike. You kill people because you think the world has it out for us, and I stop people like you because I know that the world was only cruel because you made it out to be so.” 

“This world  _ is  _ cruel. It is inhumane, and yet humanity still exists.” Travis shifted the angle on the knife in his hand. “The Earth is littered with the ruins of empires that once believed they were eternal. Nothing in this life lasts forever except for our lingering belief that something good will come of this world. Everything must die at some point, at some time and the only thing that will be left when the Earth has wreaked havoc upon humanity will be the vague recollection of its existence and the distant memory that it, too, fell victim to the inevitable.” 

“Your fate is not set in stone,” Reid insisted. “You can change how this ends.” 

“People like me,” he spat. “That’s what you said, that you stop people like  _ me _ . You are exactly like me.” 

“I am not, Travis.” 

“You are, you just won’t admit it. You won’t admit that deep down, we’re all the same. We all have the ability to be evil, we are born with it. It is the only way to combat the cruelty of this world. You just chose to ignore it.” 

No one said anything. A cold, eerie silence settled over the room, making the hairs on Alyssa’s arm stand on end. Her intuition was telling her that Haley had a slim chance of escaping this unless she fired her gun. 

“You see,” he continued. “I kill because I have embraced the truth inside of me. The truth that exists in all of us. That we have this natural-born ability to fight to survive.” 

“That is not something we all have,” Reid reasoned. “We are not born evil, we are influenced by our surroundings. You don’t see things the way we do, you have to understand it doesn’t need to end like this.” 

“You are too naive to accept the truth that you are capable of doing what I have done. You’re too blind to see that this is the only way to prove to you will not fade away with the rest of humanity.” 

Alyssa wasn’t exactly sure who fired the gun, but she wanted to thank whoever did. Travis’ nonsense hadn’t settled well in her mind. Yes, it was true that, eventually, everything would fall victim to natural selection. But no, it was not true that killing could prevent that from happening. 

There was blood pooling on the concrete, a clattering noise, screaming. Too many noises, too much pain. Alyssa lowered her heavy arms, shoving her gun into its holster. She turned on her heel, moving towards the exit. 

“Alyssa-” Emily called after her. She didn’t stop walking. She didn’t know why it hadn’t bothered her so much. There was some truth within Travis’ words, some truth within the idea that they were all capable of killing people. She had killed people. Of course, only to save another's' life. 

. . .

She stood outside, watching two stretchers move towards two vehicles. One dead body, heading for the white van, one alive body, shaking, bloody, bruised, traumatized, moving towards the flashing ambulance. 

“Hey.” 

Alyssa turned to glance at JJ. “Hey.” 

“You okay?” 

“I’m fine.” 

“You don’t seem fine.” 

The younger agent crossed her arms defensively over her chest. 

“He’s wrong, you know,” JJ attempted. 

“Is he, though? Is he wrong in saying that we have the ability to kill someone? I’ve killed someone, JJ.” 

The blonde sighed. “I’ve killed someone, too,” she offered. “And I’m not evil. There’s a difference between his killing and our killing. He did it because he believed that was the best way to survive, we do it to help others survive.” 

“But if we wanted to, we could kill in cold blood, couldn’t we?” 

“We could. But we don’t.”

“So he wasn’t wrong in saying we had the ability to do so?” Alyssa turned to face JJ, waiting for her to counter her point. 

“He  _ was  _ wrong, Lyssa. We would never do it because we thought it was a means of survival. We’re not surviving. We don’t have to survive in this world. We just have to live, there’s a difference.” 

Alyssa let a shallow breath out.  _ There’s a difference between surviving and living _ . She didn’t have to fight to be alive. Not every minute of every hour of every day, no, only occasionally. The rest of those peaceful hours, she was simply  _ alive _ . Living. Enjoying the false reality that the world was. 

. . .

“Man, am I glad that we’re heading home,” scoffed Morgan, collapsing into the seat opposite Alyssa on the jet. 

“Yeah,” agreed Emily, from next to the youngest agent. “I’m wiped… hey, JJ, please tell me we don’t have another case coming up?” 

“There’s always another case,” she replied. 

A chorus of groans echoed through the jet. 

“But you’ll have the weekend off first,” counted Hotch. 

“Oh thank god,” mumbled Emily. “Maybe Alyssa will have time to meet this mystery person on her phone.” 

Alyssa’s jaw dropped, glancing between the new notification that had popped up and Emily’s smug face. “Shut up!” she said. 

“Oooh,” mocked Morgan. “Got anything to tell us, Bennett?” 

“Absolutely nothing.” 

. . .

“For being such a punctual person, you really suck at checking your phone, Aly.” 

Alyssa smirked as she closed her apartment door, Maggie following her inside. “I was on a case, Mags. I didn’t exactly have any alone time.” 

“You had to be alone to answer your phone?” 

“I work with a bunch of profilers. If I so much as smile differently, they’ll suddenly know I took the elevator instead of the stairs.”

“Those two things aren’t even related.” 

“Exactly,” huffed Alyssa. “I’ll grab your shirt. You left in the bedroom.” Alyssa disappeared for a moment, returning with Maggie’s shirt in hand. “How was your business trip?” 

“Boring, as usual. Sometimes I wish I would’ve gone into the field instead of counterintelligence.” 

Alyssa shrugged. “I think what you do is pretty cool.” 

“Says the profiler,” joked Maggie, taking a seat at the kitchen table. “You know, we should do this more often.” 

“... Do what?” Alyssa tested. 

“Don’t play dumb, Aly.” Maggie chewed on her nail. “I miss what we had in college. I want to see you more.” 

“You live in DC now. It’s closer than New York. I’ll be able to see you occasionally, whenever I’m actually free and you’re actually in the country.” 

“That’s true.” Maggie stood up. “So… I’ll see you again soon?” 

Alyssa smiled. “Yeah.” 

“Good, because 3 years was a really fucking long time to go without you, Lyssa.” 

“It was 2 years and 10 months, get your facts straight.” 

Maggie moved next to Alyssa, whispering in her ear, “I’m not very good at doing anything  _ straight _ .” 

“Maggie!” 

The shorter woman gave Alyssa a playful nudge. “I better get to see you soon.” 

“Well, soon is not today,” retorted the agent. “There’s the door, I trust you can find it. I’m exhausted and if you stick around I’m going to get zero sleep.” 

Maggie flipped her hair over her shoulder, reaching for the door knob. “At least you’ll admit it.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like my writing is getting increasingly worse lol. Anyways, now Maggie has been introduced, she’ll probably make a few more appearances. I hope everyone remembers Jacob from chapter 1, because he’ll be making a reappearance. I’m trying to update about every other week, it with school I can’t make any promises. Also, I have some JJ/Emily fanfics I want to publish, so those are coming, too!


	7. White Lies

“Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.”

\- Sir Walter Scott

_ Set during season 4, while JJ is on maternity leave _

_ Late 2008 _

Alyssa rarely got mail, so it was a surprise for her when a single, unmarked letter showed up in her mailbox. Most of the time, she didn’t bother to check it unless she was expecting something and in this case, she’d been looking for a letter that included her monthly bills. Instead, she found a simple white envelope. 

Being a FBI agent made her aware of all possibilities, good and bad, that came along with some ambiguous, suspicious looking letter, but she decided to open it anyway, making sure she didn’t touch her face in case, under some extenuating circumstance, the letter had been laced with poison. Carefully, she extracted a neatly torn square from the envelope. In messy blue ink that had been smudged slightly, she could make out the words ‘ _ hello, Alyssa, do you remember me?” _

“What the hell?” she mumbled, dropping the letter onto the table. Her mind reeled, thinking of who could’ve written this, and why. Even if she was a government agent, it was still possible for somebody to find her address, either by hacking, interrupting some sort of record, or by following her, but her intuition was telling her that she wasn’t being stalked. 

Her slightly shaky arm reached for her phone. She considered calling JJ, the member of the team she trusted the most, but remembered she had enough on her hands with a newborn baby. She didn’t want to raise alarm, but calling another member of the team was going to be read as suspicious. She really didn’t have any other choice, as it seemed. Some anonymous note like this was the start of a bad ending. Alyssa knew neglecting to acknowledge somebody who was possibly an erotomaniac, or simply just a stalker, could end poorly, to say the least. 

She made the decision to call Emily. She considered Garcia, but seeing as she didn’t have any actual field experiences, her skill sets were going to be limited, considering the fact that the letter had been unlabeled. 

“Hey,” Alyssa said when the ring tones finally stopped. 

“Alyssa? What’s up? It’s Sunday, please tell me we don’t have a case.” 

“Uh, no,” she stuttered, feeling the confidence drain from her voice. Damnit. She wasn't supposed to freak out. This could all be some sort of mistake. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah... I- I’m alright.” 

“May I ask why you called, then?” Emily said through the phone. “Not that it’s a problem, but-” 

“I need your help with something,” the younger agent interrupted. “This is going to sound weird, but I don’t want to talk about it on the phone... so- so could you come over here?” 

“I mean, yeah. You sure you’re okay?” 

“I’m fine, Em, thanks.” 

“I’ll be over.” 

Emily wouldn’t have known Alyssa’s address if it hadn’t been for that one time she picked her up before a last minute case. Despite working in Quantico, most of the BAU lived in DC, where they frequently found themselves consulting with the local field office on shorter, less serious cases to break up tedious paperwork, so it wasn’t that far in between the home locations of each agent. 

. . .

It was about 10 minutes later that Alyssa heard a knock on her door. She shuffled from her couch to let Emily in. 

“Hey,” she greeted. “Thanks for coming.” 

“No problem,” replied Emily hesitantly. “Okay... you said you were fine on the phone, and you didn’t sell it too well, and this confirms it... what’s going on?” 

Emily must’ve seen Alyssa’s slightly confused look because she continued, “you thought you could lie to a profiler? Think again. You’re pretty pale, you know, and your arms are shaking. Anxiety?” 

“You should look at something.” The younger agent turned, heading back towards the kitchen table. Emily followed her, her eyes landing on the recently opened letter. Alyssa pointed at it, doing her best to hold her arm steady. 

She was as Emily scanned across the smeared words, watching for some reaction. 

“Do you know who this is from?” Emily finally asked.

“If I did,” scoffed Alyssa, “I wouldn’t have called you. Look, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal, I just-”

“That big of a deal?” Emily asked incredulously. “This is bordering a threat note, Alyssa, especially considering you're an FBI agent.” 

“Whoever wrote it is left-handed,” Alyssa pointed out with a heavy sigh. “But I suppose that doesn’t really do much.” 

“We should give this to an evidence team and have them analyze it,” suggested Emily. 

“I don’t want to make this a whole thing.” 

“Most notes that start like this are from erotomaniacs-”

“I know.”

“And not doing anything about it can cause them to act out and possibly hurt you. We have to do something about it, okay? I’m glad you called me.” 

“I touched the letter,” sighed Alyssa. “I wasn’t thinking.” 

Emily hesitantly placed a comforting hand on Alyssa’s shoulder. “It’s alright. Do you want me to call Hotch now, or would you rather him find out once the bureau is alerted of this possible threat?” 

“Now is fine, I guess.” Alyssa let out a heavy breath. “I’m really sorry about all this.” 

Emily paused, her fingers frozen over the touchpad of her phone. “Lys, there’s nothing to be sorry about. It’s not your fault somebody left some ominous letter in your mailbox- hang on, give me second.” The older agent slowly walked from the room, cellphone pressed to her ear. 

Once she was alone, Alyssa pressed the heels of her palms against her eyes.  _ It’s probably just a prank _ . She sincerely wanted to believe that was the case, but a nagging feeling in her gut was telling her it was more than that. 

“Hey.” 

Aly turned towards Emily as she re-entered the kitchen. “What did Hotch say?” 

“He wants to meet as a team and discuss this.” 

Alyssa crossed her arms with an exasperated sigh. “This is what I didn’t want.”

“Be glad we’re allowed to take this in ourselves.” Emily motioned at the letter. “Your apartment technically isn’t a crime scene, so it’s staying CSI free.” 

“Oh, thank god... are we going now?” 

Emily nodded. “I think it’s for the best. We’ll get this to forensics and then meet with Hotch; he’ll decide if this needs a formal investigation, or if you’ll just be under surveillance.” 

“I- I really don’t think it’s that serious, Emily.” 

“Come on, Alyssa,” groaned Emily. “Do you remember Max Poole? Halloween of 2006, right after you joined the team?” 

“Max Poole?” 

“It had to have been one of your first cases. He was the guy who gave women ‘have you seen me’ posters before kidnapping them. The PD thought it was some Halloween joke. Let me tell you- it wasn’t.” 

“Yeah, I remember now.” 

“So that’s why we’re checking this letter out, okay? I can drive you.” 

“Are we going to Quantico?” questioned Alyssa, biting at her lower lip nervously. 

“That’s where Hotch is, so I guess.” She glanced down at her watch. “He wants to meet in about an hour. We should get heading out. Do you need anything?” 

“Yeah,” grumbled the younger agent. “Another letter telling me it was all a joke.” 

. . .

Alyssa trailed behind Emily as they walked through the doors to the bullpen. They’d dropped off the note in a sterilized plastic bag a few floors down. 

“Bennett,” Hotch greeted from the door of his office. “Good to see you’re okay. Thanks for bringing her in, Prentiss.” 

“It wasn’t a problem, sir.” 

“You have the images of the letter?”

Alyssa held up the photocopy, her arm wavering slightly. “Yeah.” 

“Come in. We can discuss the severity of the situations and assess if any new measures need to be taken.” Hotch held the door to his office open as the two agents entered. Emily took a seat in one of the empty chairs opposite Hotch’s desk. Alyssa stayed hesitantly on her feet before taking the other chair. 

“I understand you found this in your mailbox, correct?” Hotch asked, pulling the photocopied letters across the surface so he could take a better look at them. 

Alyssa swallowed heavily. “Yeah. I… I went out for a bit, to see a friend, and I decided to check my box when I got home because I was expecting some tax papers, and I found this.” 

“Have you noticed or felt like anyone has been watching you?” Hotch asked. “Any faces showing up more than once?” 

“I don’t think so, sir.” 

“Anyone in your past that would want to hurt you or would want attention from you?” 

“No!” Alyssa let out a breath, leaning back in her chair. “No.” 

“It’s not like there’s many unsubs that would have it out for her,” offered Emily. “She never does the front talking or the arrest.” 

“The only person that ever had it out for me was Griffin, you remember him, right?” 

“Of course,” replied Hotch. “He’s in prison serving a 25 year sentence for kidnapping and aggravated assault.” 

“So…” began Alyssa, not quite meeting either agent’s eye. “What am I going to do?” 

Hotch folded his hands together, leaning back in his chair. “We’ll let forensics process the letter. If there’s no fingerprints, there’s nothing we can do. Unless you want to be placed in witness protection.” 

“No!” 

“Then for now, the best we can do is wait until something else happens. Offenders like this don’t jump from threat notes to violence. You have time.” 

“Hotch…” Alyssa looked over at Emily. She was leaning forward in her seat, glaring pointedly at their boss. “We can’t just do nothing. This is a serious-” 

“Prentiss, unless you have some idea that you’d like to share with the both of us, there is nothing we can do.” 

Emily nodded, slowly rising to her feet. “Understood, sir. Alyssa, I’ll take you home.” 

“Sure.” The younger agent offered a small smile and nod to Hotch as she followed Emily out of his office. 

“Do you feel safe?” Emily asked immediately, resting her hand on Alyssa’s arm. 

“Huh?” 

“Will you feel safe being at home, alone?” 

Alyssa shrugged. “I’ll be fine, Emily, thanks.” She shook Emily’s hand off as she headed towards the elevator. 

“You know,” the brunette agent added. “You don’t seem very concerned with all of this.”

A heavy breath escaped from Lyssa’s mouth. “I- I’m trying not to overthink it all, you know? I don’t want to imagine the worst case scenario until there’s more than a, I don’t know, 2% chance of anything happening.” 

“I’m sure Reid could get you an exact number,” joked Emily. 

“Don’t want one,” grumbled the other agent, stepping into the elevator as the doors opened. “If you’re so concerned, I can go stay with a friend or something for a few days, how does that sound?” 

“Good,” sighed Emily. “Really good.” 

“You’re worrying too much about me,” Alyssa pointed out, narrowing her eyes slightly. “Why?” 

Emily tossed her hair to the side, looking over at the other agent. “With JJ gone, somebody’s got to take up her job.” 

“Oh, haha, very funny, Emily. Just ‘cause I’m the youngest one doesn’t mean you all have to be watching my every step.” 

“We do it with Reid, and you. Don’t feel so special.” 

Alyssa gave Emily a playful nudge. “Yeah, whatever.” 

Emily retracted her keys from her pocket as the two exited the elevator. “So, you want me to drop you off at home, or somewhere else?” 

“Uh, home’s fine. I have to call someone, see if they’re okay if I head over for a few days.” 

“They live in DC?” 

“Used to. They moved out to Arlington, just less expensive, but not too far.” 

“You’re always so ambiguous about your personal life, you know.” 

Alyssa let out a soft laugh. “Seriously? That’s coming from  _ you _ , Emily. Besides, I’m not  _ that _ mysterious.” 

“Really?” challenged Emily, ignoring Alyssa’s statement about her own ambiguity. “You’re referencing _them_ as a _they_ , not even _he_ or _she_ , which leads me to believe you don’t want me to know anything about them. Any particular reason?” 

Alyssa gritted her teeth. “No. Just a habit, I guess.” 

“It’s that mystery college friend of yours, isn’t it?” 

“What? That case was, like, 7 months ago, why do you even remember that?” 

“Cause you were on edge,” shrugged Emily. “And everytime you looked at your phone, your face turned red. How could I  _ not _ remember that?” 

“Fair enough. Besides, I’m not obligated to share everything about my personal life. You of all people should understand that.” Alyssa looked over at Emily, who was adjusting her grip on the wheel. 

“But you don’t share anything, Lys. It feels like I barely know you sometimes.” 

“If you’re trying to distract me, it’s working.” Alyssa leaned her head back against the seat. “For your information, the person I plan on contacting is the same one from a few months ago.” 

“Ohh,” drawled Emily. “Care to share at all?” 

“Nope,” mocked Aly, popping the ‘p’ at the end of the word. 

. . .

Alyssa hadn’t actually told Emily the truth for obvious reasons. She didn’t need to worry the team anymore than she already had.  _ If I ignore it _ , she told herself,  _ maybe it will go away _ . She was so desperately trying to convince herself that it had all been some mistake, and she wasn’t in any danger at all. 

She was going to be careful, alert, watching for any other signs of this mysterious letter sender, but she was not going to make a big deal out of it, and, of course, she most definitely was  _ not _ going to call Maggie, nor was she going to tell the rest of the team. 

. . .

Alyssa spent the following weeks dreading the moment she would have to look in her mailbox again, and for some time, it remained empty. No letters, no suspicious packages. Just as it had been before the mystery envelope had stripped her of her last remaining sense of safety. She was beginning to believe, actually believe, that it had all been some mix up. Alyssa was a pretty common name, wasn’t it? 

False hope is the last thing Alyssa should have given herself. It was January, just short of JJ returning from maternity leave, when a feeling of uncomfort, that kind you get when you know something is wrong, washed over Alyssa. Her arm hairs stood on end as she slowly opened her mailbox, greeted by another unmarked envelope. 

“Well, shit,” she mumbled, making the split (and ultimately incorrect) decision to read the letter  _ before _ she alerted any of her team that she was probably in trouble. Alyssa slammed her apartment door closed, rushing to the table, where she carefully opened the envelope with a lot more care than needed. It was a time like this she was glad that she couldn’t read 20,000 words a minute, because it took her a lot longer than that to process what she was seeing: 

_ You had the entirety of the FBI underneath your fingertips and yet, none of them could do anything then, nor will they be able to do anything now. How does it make you feel to know that there is nothing and no one that can help you? You are completely and utterly alone, isn’t that right? It would be in your best interest if this ordeal remained inside your head because next time you want to believe that your team cares about you, I will take them away. Then they really won’t be able to do anything, will they?  _

_ Alyssa, I know you, probably better than you know yourself. Take this as a warning. If you tell anyone, I will make it my ultimate task to sever the connections you have made in this world. I will not make the mistakes that deviant criminals have made. It is certain that I have the ability to carry through with my word. This letter is for you, and only you. If I realize that anyone else has seen in, and I will know, that will be the last they see of anything.  _

_ It is in your best interest to do nothing. Here is the deal: you do nothing, I do nothing. You do something, I do something. Nothing happens, we move on. You forget my existence, maybe I forget yours.  _

To a trained FBI agent, such a letter would always indicate a bluff. Alyssa had been sure of that much until she saw the pictures. Small, printed, individual images of the members of her team. Now  _ this _ was a threat. But what was stopping her from privately alerting someone of the matter? There was no way he would know. Until he did, of course, and then every person that she knew was in grave danger. 

How could she trust his word that he would simply disappear? She couldn’t, simple as that. But in order to catch him, the others would have to be aware of him, and that was not in anyone’s best interest. 

“I’ll tell them tomorrow,” Alyssa promised herself, deciding phones were too easily traceable. “I will tell them tomorrow.” 

And, of course, she didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am terribly sorry it took me over a month to update. I really have no excuse besides the fact that I was not motivated to write. Also, maybe someone will have noticed the allegorical significance of the title of this chapter. Anyway, I hope you liked it! Next update will be published at some point... no time frames will be set.


	8. Red Lies

**“When I say ‘I’m fine,’ I want someone to look me in the eyes and say ‘tell me the truth.’”**

\-  **Unknown**

_ Set during season 4, once JJ returns from maternity leave _

_ Circa January 2009 _

JJ shuffled the papers in her hand, dropping a few open case files onto Reid’s desk. “Have, uh, any of you seen Alyssa?” 

Emily shook her head, swallowing the coffee she’d just taken a sip of. “No. Are you looking for her?” 

“She isn’t here yet,” Reid answered. 

JJ froze, looking at Reid, disbelief stricken across her face. “You’re joking right? She’s  _ never _ been late.” 

“I can confirm that,” deadpanned Morgan. “I know this girl. She’s like a metronome, and she’s-”

“Right there.” JJ motioned towards the elevator. 4 heads turned, making it all-too obvious that they’d been speculating about their co-worker. 

Alyssa tugged her sleeves down as she rushed across the bullpen. She could blame the traffic, or her alarm clock. She already knew they weren’t going to believe whatever words came out of her mouth. 

“Sorry I’m late,” she mumbled, dropping heavily into her seat across from Emily. She looked away from her colleagues, afraid if she met their eyes, they’d be able to see right through her. She had really been testing her abilities to keep secrets around a bunch of profilers. If you asked her, that was one of the hardest tasks in the world. Second to actually cooking Rossi’s pasta correctly. 

“You good?” Emily asked, watching Alyssa with an amused look on her face. It wasn’t necessarily funny, but there was something about watching Alyssa freak out about being late that was. It was like when Reid ran out of coffee: it was going to end poorly, but it would entertain you for a short time before shit hit the fan. 

Alyssa gritted her teeth. “I’m just lovely.” She glared over at Reid before a word could come out of his mouth. “And, yeah, that was sarcasm.” 

“Got it,” he murmured, turning back to his paperwork with a smirk. Reid knew well enough to not push it when Alyssa was having a bad day. She was the one (and only) person who could make anyone shut up. Morgan, however, liked to test her limits, even though she’d inevitably win whatever argument he started. 

“Traffic this morning, Alyssa?” he mocked. 

She didn’t bother to look up from the file she’d aggressively flipped open. “Want to get murdered this morning, Morgan? Cause I know 12 ways to do it, and 13 ways to hide all the evidence. And I’m sure Emily would help me.” 

“Oh, definitely,” she affirmed, smiling widely. 

Morgan put his hands up. “Alright then… late night?” 

She clasped her hands together, a small smile beginning to form on her face. Even on bad days, Morgan did not cease to make somebody laugh. “Not at all.” 

“Leave the girl alone,” Emily teased. “She’s actually getting some work done.” That wasn’t quite true, but the escape from the bickering. 

Alyssa softly chewed on her nail as she scanned across her case report from the previous week. She hoped Hotch wasn’t going to assess her eloquence, because it had been quickly deteriorating the past few weeks, and it was definitely noticeable. Her handwriting had become more scrawl like, instead of her usual neat print, and if Reid were to read her reports, he’d probably tell her that handwriting was pretty accurate reflection of mood, and then launch into a tangent about her recent stress. 

“Lys?” 

“Mmm?” Alyssa’s head shot up, looking towards the source of her name. “Yeah?” 

JJ tapped the side of her desk. “Can we talk?” she motioned towards the doors of the bullpen, suggesting she wanted to go somewhere quieter. 

“I’m working.” The bluntness in her tone surprised both of them. In the year and half that she’d been with the BAU, she’d always been willing to speak with JJ, the first one who’d managed to draw her out of her shell during the Jacob Davis case. 

“Oh.” JJ’s voice was small, and clearly hurt, yet Alyssa barely heard it as she turned back to her papers, hands pressed against her ears, as if trying to block out the background noise. “Maybe later then.” 

Emily rose from her desk, brushing JJ’s shoulder as she headed towards the doors. The blonde agent trailed after her. 

“What is up with her?” JJ asked immediately as her office door closed. “I’ve been back less than a week and she’s… something’s wrong.” 

“She didn’t mean what she said,” offered Emily. “She’s-” 

JJ narrowed her eyes. “She’s what?” 

“Anxious?” Her response came out as a question, and she knew it was too late to avoid explaining the situation to JJ. Thus far, Emily and Hotch had kept it between the two of them. As far as they knew, the single letter had been the  _ only _ letter, and that had to be what was causing Alyssa’s shift in behavior. 

“Why?” 

“Something happened a few months ago-” 

“A few  _ months _ ?” JJ snapped. “And she’s still this worked up about it? I leave for 3 months, and  _ this _ happens?”

“She wouldn’t have been any different if you were here.” 

“Really?” Sarcasm dripped from the single word. “Because she has no family, she’s not in a relationship. Truthfully, I don’t think she trusts anyone, even me, but I can at least make her talk. You just… ignore her issues.” 

Emily frowned. “That’s not true-” 

“A few months?” JJ repeated. 

“Okay,” the brunette sighed. “2 months ago she got this letter from… I don’t even know who. We worked it out with Hotch, and she was fine. This didn’t start until last week. And contrary to what you said, I’m pretty sure she  _ is _ in a relationship.” 

“What? Why didn’t she tell us?” 

“Why didn’t you tell us about Will?” 

JJ’s mouth opened, and then closed. “Fair point.” The blonde narrowed her eyes. “Wait, how do  _ you  _ know?” 

Emily shrugged slightly. “I just sort of figured.” 

“But you don’t know who?” 

Emily shook her head. “No. And I didn’t bother asking, either. When she wants to tell us, she will.” 

JJ let out a humorous sigh. “Alyssa never tells anyone anything. You have to pry.” 

“That’s not fair,” argued Emily. 

“If she’s in danger, it’s perfectly reasonable.” JJ crossed her arms, a tell tale sign that her opinion wasn’t changing. “Is there anything else you’re not telling me?” 

Emily narrowed her eyes. “Do you not trust me or something?” 

“I- I do,” stuttered JJ. “But right now, I’m worried about a friend, and it seems like you’re skipping over details.” 

“Look, Jayje,” attempted the brunette, taking her friend’s hand comfortingly. “I’m your friend, too, and I didn’t want you to worry-” 

“It didn’t work-” 

“I’ve told you everything I know, okay?” Emily stared into JJ’s eyes, trying to make a silent promise. “Talk to Alyssa. That’s the best way you’ll figure out what’s wrong.” 

“What’s wrong?” echoed JJ. “I thought you said that there-” 

“I was just assuming,” Emily covered. “I don’t think there’s much to worry about, but just in case... you know?” 

JJ swallowed heavily. “Got it. I- I need to get some work done. I’ll talk to you later.” She dropped Emily’s hand that she’d been gripping lightly and found her way back to her office. Emily waited for her to close the door before she rushed back to her desk. 

“Lyssa!” she hissed. “What the hell was that?” 

The younger agent rolled her eyes. “Oh, I have to talk to  _ everyone _ now?” 

“JJ is worried about you. We all are,” admitted Emily, closely watching Alyssa’s movements. She narrowed her eyes. “Does this have anything to do with the letters-” 

“No,” she snapped. “Absolutely not.” 

“You sure?” 

“I’m sure, Emily.” She even threw in an unconvincing smile. Emily nodded, knowing it was best to not dig too deep. 

“Maybe talk to JJ,” she offered. “As a friend.” 

Alyssa didn’t respond. She’d turned back to her file, not making any effort to acknowledge Emily. She hadn’t let her words entirely go to waste. She knew she had to talk to JJ at some point, otherwise she’d have yet another person on her case about her jumpiness and irritation. 

Lyssa approached the small office towards the end of the day, knocking softly on the frame. “Jayje? Can I come in?” 

“Yeah, of course!” JJ replied, a little too enthusiastically. She closed the file on her desk, brushing it off to the side. 

“I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier.” Alyssa walked in, closing the door behind her, and taking a seat across from the blonde. “Long morning, you know?” she attempted. 

“I get it. How’ve you been?” 

An all too telling look implied that Emily had indeed told JJ what she’d promised not to. What could she expect? Those two told each other everything. By promising to “not tell anyone,” she really meant, “nobody, with the exception of JJ, and maybe Garcia.” 

“I’m good. How are you? Having a kid can’t be easy.” 

“Definitely not,” laughed JJ, although her face still read as concerned. “But Will and I are managing.” 

“That’s good.” 

JJ folded her hands together with a small sigh. “I talked to Emily this morning-”  _ here it comes _ . “And she told me about something that happened a few months ago.” 

Alyssa swallowed heavily. “Yeah?” 

“Lys,” groaned JJ. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Because you would have worried and you had enough on your hands with a newborn,” argued Alyssa. 

“Were you  _ ever _ going to tell me?” 

“I- no.” 

“What if you were in danger?”  _ I am in danger _ , thought Alyssa. “Would you tell me?” 

“Of course I would.” The lie tumbled out of her mouth before she could think of anything else to say. What was she supposed to say?  _ No, JJ, I wouldn’t _ . 

“Good... but, are you still worried about it?” 

_ Think before you speak _ . Alyssa offered a small shrug. It would probably be the best to say yes. If she said no, it would raise a whole new set of suspicions. “A little, I guess.” Well, of course she was worried about it, but not the singular letter. There were now four of them, each adding to a growing list of reasons why she shouldn’t tell anyone about it. 

“Well, I’m here if you want to talk. We deal with plenty of people who get letters like that-” 

“I’m not a victim,” she interrupted. “So I don’t want to be talked to like one, okay? I’d love your support as a friend, not as an FBI agent who knows exactly how to twist words to give me what I want.” 

Aggression underlaid her tone, and she knew she should have been nicer, but it was the truth. She didn’t want them to tell her that it was going to be okay when it wasn’t. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Alyssa swallowed heavily. “No. I’m sorry. I don't know what got into me today. I understand that you’re worried about me, but I’m going to be okay.” 

“Really?” 

She smiled. “Really.” Yet another lie she needed to add to her growing list. She didn’t know how long she could keep this up. She felt horrible for lying, she really did, but it was for her own safety, and that of her colleagues. 

. . .

It had been seven days. Seven days of constant worry, and nothing had happened. Alyssa had gone back to blending in. Everyone believed what she told them. Why wouldn’t they? They had no reason to suspect otherwise. 

Alyssa was starting to hope that the letters were going to disappear. She knew the  _ concept _ of them would still exist. Each day that passed with no sign of any acknowledgement from the mystery sender sent Alyssa closer and closer to telling  _ someone _ . She couldn’t hold it in forever, and, besides, they, the stalker, couldn’t know what Alyssa talked about at work. 

So it was that Tuesday that Alyssa found herself hovering outside Hotch’s office, praying she had made the right decision. She wanted them all to be safe, but she feared for her own safety, as well. Her behaviors were risking the loss of her only friends, and they were people she couldn’t bear to lose. 

She knocked softly on the door, waiting until Hotch’s voice sounded inside before she opened the door. “Sir?” she said. “Could I talk to you about something?” 

Hotch’s face would have appeared emotionless to any onlooker, but as a profiler, Alyssa noted a small shift that read  _ well, finally _ . “Of course, come in.” 

She slipped inside, shutting the door, and sitting down across from Hotch. She cleared her throat. “You remember the letter?” 

He clasped his hands together, staring at her quizzically. “I do.” 

“I got another.” Her mouth went dry as she said the words, ready for a reaction, a scolding. 

“How long ago?” 

“I got four.” She dropped her eyes, face heating up read. 

“How long?” he repeated, giving her a disappointed and concerned looked. 

“Few months.” She wasn’t sure if he’d heard his voice at first because he didn’t respond, so she continued, “right after New Year’s. I’m sorry, sir.” 

“You compromised your own safety.” 

“Sir, they were threatening to harm you… the team, if I said something. There was no sign that there was an intent to harm me. I didn’t do anything and nothing happened.” 

“That’s now how this works, Alyssa,” he scolded. “You have to tell us things like that. You are an FBI agent and you put yourself and the team at risk.”

Aly felt tears prick behind her eyes. “I’m really sorry.” 

Hotch composed himself. “There’s nothing we can do now. I need you to bring those letters here immediately. Do you have them?” 

She nodded slightly. “I do. I haven’t really touched them. They’re all printed, not handwritten, and they were not mailed.” 

“Good.” Hotch stood up. “Bring them to me in the morning. I want you to check in with someone to confirm you got home safely.” 

“Of course, sir.” Alyssa offered a small smile as she swiftly exited the office, feeling as if she’d majorly fucked up.  _ They can’t know _ . There was absolutely no way anyone could have known what she discussed. She was safe. She was sure of it. 

. . .

She didn’t sleep that night. Something felt  _ different _ . Maybe she felt lighter because the weight of her secret had been lifted, or maybe her hairs were standing on end because something was actually wrong. 

“Damn anxiety,” Lyssa cursed, staring blankly at her ceiling. It was 5:25. She’d been up for at least two hours, heart beat radiating into the soles of her feet. She got out of bed, knowing there was no use to trying to sleep. 

She got ready as she usually would. Make bed, get dressed, brush teeth. Eat- no, she didn’t do that. She was too nervous. An empty pit had formed in her stomach, giving her the illusion that if she were to consume anything, her stomach would immediately reject it. 

She gathered the letters in their evidence packs, pressing them against each other in her bag. It was 6:15 when she left the house. She had called Maggie last night to tell her that she was home, and Maggie, being the unobservant person she was, thought nothing of the spontaneous phone call. She texted her again this morning, wishing her a good day. Maggie was out of the country, again, so Alyssa wasn’t expecting a reply. 

She drove to work, just as she usually would. She took the stairs, because she hated elevators, and she arrived in the bullpen to find it empty. That was no surprise. It was quite early, so she paced back and forth, waiting… waiting  _ waiting _ , for someone to arrive. 

A person was not the first thing to make an unexpected appearance. No… instead, it was a phone call. An unknown number. There was nothing on the other end. Silence. An unsettling silence. Alyssa didn’t speak. Neither did the caller. She hung up the phone. 

The next thing that arrived was Reid. It was 7:48. That made sense. He got here at 7:48 every- 

“Alyssa!” 

His frantic tone of voice made her heart drop. She didn’t have time to ask anything before Reid was in front of her. 

“Will was shot.” 

Her mouth dried, all color draining from her face. 

“Alyssa?” 

_ Will was shot _ . _ Jesus fucking Christ.  _ Did this have anything to do with her telling Hotch? It couldn’t be a coincidence. Her mind was twirling, choreographing a flood of thoughts. The music, however, stopped mid track, when her legs gave out. She crumpled to the floor.  _ This cannot be happening _ . 

Reid was shaking her, talking. She couldn’t hear him. She hadn’t heard her phone ding, either. Twice. When she checked her phone next, hours later, she would see one message from Maggie, and one from an anonymous phone number. 

But that wouldn’t happen until 11:42. 

For now, she lay, unconscious, on the floor of the BAU, Will lied in an ambulance, blood spilling from the gaping hole in his side, and somewhere,  _ they _ lied, watching, smiling, knowing they had caused this all. 

. . . 

When Alyssa woke up, she prayed. She actually  _ prayed _ that she was hallucinating. Maybe it was a late on-set schizophrenic break. But probably not. Reid pulled her onto her feet. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, steadying her. 

“Will?” she rasped. “Oh my god… where- when-” 

“Calm down.” 

Alyssa sucked in a ragged breath.  _ God, not today _ . Breathe. “What,” she started shakily. “What happened?” 

“JJ got the call a little bit ago. He’d gone into work early and got shot in broad daylight. No witnesses.” 

“Is he okay?” 

“He’s at the hospital. Hotch wants us to meet him there.” 

Alyssa motioned helplessly at her bag. “I brought the letters,” she cried. “I told Hotch yesterday… and then this.” Tears were flowing freely down her face. 

Reid looked at her blankly. “Letters?” 

She took a breath, composing herself. “I got a letter. When JJ was on maternity leave. I told Hotch, and Emily. And then I got another. 4 of them. Threats.” 

“Lys,” Reid’s face read as nothing but sympathy and compassion. “I’m so sorry.” 

“In the letters… they told me that if I said anything, after the first one, that someone would have to pay a price… and I told Hotch last night, I think this is the price.” 

“They?” Reid echoed. 

“They, singular,” she clarified. “I don’t want to make any assumptions… but Will, oh my god.” She hand went over her mouth, holding back a sob. “It’s all my fault. If I’d been able to keep a damn secret-” 

“Alyssa, this is  _ not _ your fault,” Reid said. “Statistically speaking, people who write threat letters have their end game planned-”

“I don't care about the damn statistics, Reid. I probably lost one of my only friends.” 

Reid looked at her, perplexed. “Will?” 

“JJ, you idiot. She’s gonna be pissed. I told her- I lied. I said nothing-” 

“Lys,” Reid interrupted her. “Take a breath. You didn’t do this-” 

“I fucking caused it!” 

Reid didn’t deny that, which didn’t make Alyssa feel any better. It took quite a bit of shouting, but Reid finally coaxed Aly into his car. She objected to him driving, to which he responded she was in no state to drive. That much was true. She was dizzy, numb, and felt like throwing up (good thing she hadn’t eaten that morning).

Neither of them said anything on the car ride to the hospital. Reid drove and Alyssa cried. She tried to hide it, but it was no use. By the time they arrived, her eyes were bright red, and cheeks damp. 

Silently, they exited the car, and Reid led Alyssa to the floor where the rest of the team was waiting. Hotch was standing next to Rossi, whispering under his breath, Morgan sat by himself, and Emily sat next to a teary eyed JJ, rubbing her back softly. Alyssa felt her world start to spin and a cold hand came down on her shoulder. 

“You don’t look good,” commented Reid. 

She glared at him. “I’m not good.” She had to talk to JJ, she had to say  _ something _ . If Will died- oh… god. It would be  _ her _ fault. Hesitantly, she approached Hotch. 

“I brought the letters,” she croaked. She offered them in their evidence bags and her boss took them. 

“Thank you, Bennett.” 

“Is Will going to be okay?” 

Hotch glanced down at her. “Yes,” he said. “The bullet missed his major organs and clipped through his side.” 

_ Oh, thank god _ . Alyssa just nodded, moving over towards JJ. The blonde looked up. Her eyes were red and  _ very _ angry. Emily bit her lip like she did when she knew something bad was about to happen.  _ Hell, here it comes _ . 

“Jen, I’m so sorry.” 

JJ stood up abruptly and her small height difference over Alyssa suddenly seemed terrifying. “Don’t fucking start, Alyssa.” 

“I- I didn’t think-” 

She glared at her, the power of her stare silencing Aly. “If you had  _ fucking _ told somebody, this wouldn’t have happened.” 

“ _ This  _ happened  _ because _ I told someone.” Tears were spilling down Alyssa’s face again. 

“No,” the blonde countered. “If you told someone months ago, we could have stopped this.  _ This _ is your fault.” 

Emily placed her hand on JJ’s shoulder. “Jayje-” 

“Shut up, Emily!” She shook her friend off, running her hands through her hand. A moment of hurt flashed across Emily’s face before she turned to Alyssa. Lys couldn’t quite read her face, but it sure as hell wasn’t  _ happy _ . 

“I- I need some space,” Alyssa mumbled, shoving her way past Reid. She  _ hated _ hospitals. She’d hated hospitals ever since she’d been attacked. They reminded her of every horrible thing that had ever happened to her. 

JJ was right… it was her fault. If she’d told them right away they could have done something, they could have helped, but her debilitating trust issues had fucked something else up. Then again, maybe if she had just shut up, none of this would have happened. 

She had  _ really _ messed up. 

. . .

“Jennifer,” Emily’s voice was small, comforting. “Alyssa did  _ not _ do this. She didn’t make someone… shoot Will.” 

“If she had  _ told  _ us,” JJ started, her voice faltering. “I just want her to be okay.” 

Emily was almost- no she  _ was _ shocked that JJ turned it to Alyssa. “I- I want her to be okay too, but she was trying to protect us, Jayje, that’s why she kept it a secret.” 

JJ sniffled, curling her knees up to her chest. “Secrets get people hurt. Secrets kill people.” JJ knew the power of secrets; she had seen what they’d done to her sister, and she didn’t want them to do the same thing to Alyssa. 

“Do- do you think Lys is okay?” Reid asked quietly. Only Morgan heard him. 

“I dunno, kid. She seemed pretty shaken up.” 

“She passed out,” he mumbled. “Back at the BAU. I don’t think she’s okay.” 

“Then why did you ask?” 

“I’m going to find her,” he decided. 

“Reid!” Rossi stopped him. “We need you to read these letters. Look for codes, errors, anything identifiable, can you do that?” 

“Prentiss,” Hotch demanded. “Go find Bennett. We need to talk to her.” 

JJ looked panicked as Emily let go of her, the two having been curled into each other for the past few minutes. “I’ll be back, okay?” Emily whispered. “Hang in there.” 

She nodded to the other agents as she exited the waiting room, looking for anywhere Alyssa could have gone. She didn’t have a car, Reid had driven, but it was likely she walked somewhere. Emily checked the bathrooms first, and a few empty rooms. She pauses when she hears soft cries from outside the single bathroom, located on the top floor. 

“Lyssa?” she asked. “Can I come in?” The door wasn’t locked, so she opened it anyways, her question posing as a warning of her presence. Aly was curled against the wall, her forehead pressed to her knees. Emily bent down next to her. “Hey,” she said softly. “Everything’s going to be okay.” 

“I fucking messed  _ this  _ up. JJ hates me-” 

“She does not hate you. She’s worried about you, Lys. Maybe she’s a little mad, but she does not blame you.” 

“Really?” scoffed Alyssa. “10 minutes ago she was saying out it was  _ all  _ my fault. It kinda sounds like she blames me.” 

“She’s emotionally exhausted, Aly. She has a baby at home, just came back to work recently, and is now dealing with  _ this _ .” 

“I’m part of the problem. If I wasn’t here that wouldn’t have happened.” 

It was now 9’o’clock. At that moment, Emily didn’t read the truth beneath Alyssa’s words. Then, she believed  _ here _ signified the hospital. Work. The BAU. 

In a little less than three hours, at 11:42, they would all learn the severity of the situation. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let’s just ignore that it took me over two months to update. Let’s also ignore that my syntax and tone changes every chapter... 
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope everyone liked it!
> 
> Also, just a reminder I don’t edit, so all mistakes are mine. I’m working on editing from the beginning, and the new and improved chapter 1 (not any big changes) will be published soon.
> 
> Happy holidays!


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